Dear Real Americans:
I survived a horrifying experience this weekend. I was trying to hire some labor down on the Southside to clean out the septic tanks at my various properties in the county, and I landed smack dab into the May Day rally. I’m not talking about young girls in Easter dresses dancing around a May pole, no sirree. I’m talking about a group of marching illegals coming up the avenue with signs supporting rights and what not. They were interfering with my free enterprise creating jobs and such for their people. Can’t they see how their actions of unity hurts America?
How do I know they were illegals? The signs promoted “Derechos Humanos” and other foreign ideas in their foreign language. They also chanted scary things in Mezkin like “El Puerquo, You Need Those, Ham and a Vegetable” (1), and “Obama, excuse us, it is in la Lunch. (2)” I don’t understand what kind of lunch they were demanding, but I was ready to take them all to Taco Bell for real Mexican cuisine if they came after me.
I can’t tell you whether there were any dyed in the wool, true blue Americans there, cause all I could focus on was the dark skinned folks. I knew they were up to no good cause they were chanting, and singing and drumming and dancing and showing a signs of unity that the Koch brothers pay for at the Tea Party rallies (link). I wonder what left wing communist organization was paying these Mezkins to threaten us. I bet the Taliban are behind it.
I made the mistake of getting out of my Chevy and got swept up in the crowd and ended up at their rallying point, a kind of illegal immigrant Nuremberg. I had to plug my ears as I heard things in perfect English (obviously due to their Taliban training) as they shouted things like “education for everyone”, “defend ethnic studies”, and “working together.” They even stole from the Tea Party phrase book and talked about “defending our culture.” I felt the apocalypse flow over me like nuclear radiation in a tsunami.
As I stumbled out of the “kill the gringo rally” in a daze, only a few radical liberals brain washed by their God Obama, noticed me. They pushed their petitions at me to support ethnic studies, impeach Jan Brewer, or to take their “Save the Teachers” buttons. I knew that God was testing me, and only God’s hatred of illegals propelled me to find my car.
Luckily, I knew of a camp of homeless people where I could get people to work for me cleaning out my sewage. I am a businessman, and I had to create jobs for America.
The chants actually say:
1. “El Pueblo Unido, Jamas’ Sera’ Vencido” (The people united with never be defeated) and
2. “Escucha Obama, Estamos en la Lucha” (Listen Obama, we are in the fight)
but Tex doesn’t know any better.