Christian Gunn conducted the interview for Koch Industries.
Republican examiner, Christian Gunn (CG): What are the top issues in the world today?
Tex Shelters (Tex): Taxes, Terrorism (including terrorist unions), Immigration, and Taxes.
CG: What is scarier, a woman being raped, or taxes?
Tex: Taxes.
CG: Correct. Are you in massive denial?
Tex: More than any other candidate since Ronald Reagan.
CG: Name the last nine Presidents.
Tex: Barack Obama. And let me add that he’s what’s wrong with our nation and economy.
CG: Correct. Do you solemnly swear to fabricate facts?
Tex: All information will be vetted by Fox News and the Koch Brothers.
CG: Correct. What would you do to improve the economy?
Tex: Barack Obama has created the largest deficit of any nation ever in the history of the world and not created jobs.
CG: Correct. Name a Supreme Court decision you disagree with?
Tex: (Silence)
CG: Correct. Name a hero of yours and why.
Tex: Thomas Jefferson is my hero because he wrote the Declaration of Independence to warn the British not to take away our guns, and he loves the Bible so much that he cut it into pieces and created his own version of it to better understand it.
CG: What do you think about cap and trade?
Tex: I don’t own and caps, so I don’t have any to trade.
CG: How do you feel about global warming?
Tex: I am all for it. This planet is too cold as it is.
CG: What would you do to improve our nation’s schools?
Tex: Get rid of the teachers. They’re what’s wrong with our schools.
CG: How would you improve our nations health?
Tex: Get rid of Obamacare.
CG: Correct. Now I will show you a few inkblots for your interpretation.
Number one:
Tex: Gay sex
CG: Very good Mr. Callahan, now number 2:
Tex: Gay marriage and sex
CG: Excellent. Now number 3:
Tex: Gay sex abortion.
CG: Good. Here’s another one:
Tex: Liberal socialist abortion
CG: Excellent once again. One more Mr. Shelters.
Tex: The anti-Christ, no Barack Obama.
CG: Well done Mr. Shelters. I have one last question for you, and I think I know the answer. Are you taking this exam to run for president or to get more attention for your businesses, books, and speaking tour?
Inkblots from http://blog.nermo.com/
Peace,
Tex Shelters
For Good Measure
This is such old news
I would be asleep
We are in shit creek, though,
clavicle deep
When you say
“There is so much work to do”
Are you kidding me;
are you kidding you?
Are folks afraid to face
exactly how serious
Are they deluded or just
rendered delirious?
Are the ramifications
so mystifying
that folks just cannot see
that they involve dying?
Why is the attitude
so cavalier
To the egregious deeds
being done here?
The information has been
out there for years
The difference now is
no-return has been cleared.
Our actions other species’
extinction has accelerated
By a factor of greater than
one hundred it has been stated.
In twenty years going
at our present rate
A factor of ten thousand
we contemplate.
We appropriate other species’
habitats and their means to survive
We murder them in their attempts
to find forage and food to stay alive
Wreaking havoc with biodiversity
toward calamity we sink
Breaking the natural ecological chain
in which we are a link.
O those pesky rainforests
sheesh! what a bore
Protecting them is turning
into a chore!
A vast number of species
calls the rainforests home
Is this reason enough
to leave these places alone?
Under the rainforests
there are billions and billions of barrels of oil
The rich will stoop to anything
to extract this fossil fuel from the soil
Takes many millions of years
to replenish fossil fuels
So once they are gone
there ain’t gonna be no renewals
It is not that all rich folks are dumb;
they have this information too
They just plan on getting rich
and being dead before
the truth comes true.
The rainforests are called
the lungs of Planet Earth
How much are healthy, happy
and vital lungs worth?
We may believe that there is time
but we are wrong
As I write the rich are acting
and they are strong.
For good measure:
The rich and powerful
of
several nations
are in
not-necessarily-friendly
line
to despoil
the habitats
of the species
of the Arctic
as Arctic ice melts
and the possibility exists
to get
at the
fossil fuels
now
shielded
by ice
Ice-sheet disintegration
Risen sea levels
Consequences
for this century
not some distant future
Coastal disasters in a future
that’s all too near
Say “Goodbye, London, Shanghai, Venice” and shed a tear.
Do we get the connection?
Do we get that it’s now?
Do we get that it’s personal?
Do you get that it is your heirs???
Do we get this?????
Well do we?
What about
famine in
your great-grandchildren’s time
do you not get?
The corporate powers
of
the super-rich
are walking on us
taking
what they want now
We are not living
in a republic
nor a democracy
Freedom?
Say what?
We are losing
the air
we breathe
What rights?
We will lose our habitat
just as have the species
we have victimized
Our coastal towns
will die in floods
We are turning
into a
police state
right before
our glazed eyes
We are
the mass torturers
of the species
with whom
we share
this planet
And now
I must read
silly little poems
about
broken hearts
and
hope
And write them
O shit
Leeza, 06/09/2011
Until
Until the last
dolphin
has
leaped
for
joy
without
danger
or
threat
Until the last
seal
has cowered
under
her
murderer’s
bloodied
club
Until the last
tortured
calf
bound for veal
has
died
at the end
of
a life
of
incessant
suffering
As long as
H. sapiens
uses the word
euthanasia
as a synonym
for what we do
to an
animal
of a species
other than our own
whom
we no longer
love
and
toward whom
we have
decided
to abandon
and
to dishonor
our commitment
Until the last
unhappy
thoughtful
pig
treated
as a product
in
a
factory
has
lived
and
been
murdered
in
abject
misery
As long as
H. sapiens’
ignorance
is so
vast
as to
value
the
rainforests’
wood
real estate
and
subterranean oil
more highly
than
the
rainforests
intact
and
pristine
Until the last
goose
has been
tortured
with a pipe
down
her throat
to make
of her liver
a
cruel
gourmet’s
delight
As long as
one whale
still
sings
For
as
long
as
that
Until
then
or
until
my
eyes
close
in
death
I
will
speak
If you have come to
berate me
chide me
fault me
scold me
scorn me
mock me
loathe me
carry on
Leeza, 06/13/2011
lol. I think you’ve nailed them straight on the head… thanks for the chuckle.
Thanks Lika Marie,
Peace,
Tex Shelters