texshelters

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

The U.S. should “Stand Their Ground” with Iran

In Current Events, Humor on April 12, 2012 at 22:07

Israel-Nuclear-arsenal-Cartoon from thesantosrepublic.com

The facts are in: Iran may have a nuclear weapon sometime, in the future possibly, and thus we should start bombing them before it happens, in case it does. The truth is that humans make nuclear weapons, and as long as humans live in Iran, they might make a nuclear missile. Also, wars are fought between nations that disagree. Iran disagrees with Israel and the United States on many things, thus, they might start a war with us. Until we stand our ground and bomb Iran, we will never be safe from their nuclear stockpile that they might develop.

The United States has nuclear weapons, and we used them. That means as soon as Iran gets them, they will use them too. Furthermore, we know how to handle our nuclear arsenal, and we have every right to tell others to stay out of our nuclear club!

We must insure that Iran cannot deter our free exercise of violence,  and thus, we must stop their nuclear weapons programs that they might have some time in the future. Iran is not yet firmly under U.S. control, and that is also why we must attack them.

Over the years, we have sermonized about the poor judgement and education levels of Middle Eastern and North African (MENA) countries; therefore, there is no reason to listen to their people’s concerns about the Middle East anymore than the White House or Congress listens to the concerns of average Americans.

“In the MENA countries…on the eve of the Tahrir Square uprising, 80% felt that the region would be more secure if Iran had nuclear weapons.  The same polls found that only 10% regard Iran as a threat — unlike the ruling dictators, who have their own concerns” (bold and italics mine).  How stupid is that, right? Like I make clear, they’re Africans and Muslims, so why should we listen to those sons of Allah regarding security in their region or nation?

The International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) isn’t doing what we want either by creating the evidence of Iranian nuclear activity. If they can’t find the intelligence we want, it’s on us to make some up. The IAEA impudently responded to our state department’s evidence about nuclear weapons development in Iran by stating,  “They gave us a paper with a list of sites. [The inspectors] did some follow-up, they went to some military sites, but there was no sign of [banned nuclear] activities” in Iran. How dare they do their jobs!

Apparently, “U.S. intelligence agencies don’t believe Iran is actively trying to build an atomic bomb” either. Who told these intelligence agencies to think? It’s their job to find what the White House, Congress and Israel want them to find. Our leaders in Washington must take on the task of creating a nuclear threat out of Iran if the U.S. intelligence agencies won’t do it. It’s clear that they cannot be trusted with fact finding, or finding the facts we want them to find.

The U.S. has about 2000 active warheads and 8500 total and Israel has 80-200 total warheads. Thus, we have the right to defend ourselves and tell other nations that they can’t have nuclear weapons.

Besides, Iran is full of wimps and losers. We’ll pound those freaks if they don’t do what we want. Their President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is just a douche bag who needs to be taught a lesson. He listens to all that gay Iranian music and practices their dorky religion. He’s such a dweeb.

We have poked Iran in the chest long enough and now it’s time to slam them up against their locker.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

We Need a Sharia Law for Christ

In Current Events, Economics, Humor, Religion on March 15, 2012 at 20:44

Republicans in your Vagina from angryblacklady.com

I am morally opposed to sex, as are all God fearing men. That is why I want to control what humans, and women, do with their bodies, including the use of birth control and abortion. By preventing people, and women, from lusty, hot, dripping, moist, manly sex and fornication, I am showing my love for my fellow man, for I want them to take the righteous path God has laid out for us. We must pump fear of sex in and out of the American public to show our righteousness.

While I recognize that Muslims are heathens and their religion is wrong, I have to salute them for their ability to control women through laws, intimidation and violence. Until Christians develop our own Sharia Law for Christ, we will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven as true believers of the faith.

Gov. Perry of Texas, a God fearing man, understands that we need to keep women under control, and we must take away their health care. Therefore, he is cutting funding for the Texas Women’s Health Program.  Perry understands that if women had health care, they would be less dependent on men, and God commands that women obey men.

Perry also signed a bill into law ensures that Texans forcibly insert probes into women who want an abortion. Under our Sharia Law for Christ, we would probe women forcibly to create awareness that they are pregnant. Otherwise, women might not know.

Women have too much power and that is why God has been punishing single women for so long. Under Sharia Law for Christ, we will cut programs for families such as Head Start that are abused by families to help poor kids get smarter. We don’t need more smart kids; they won’t vote Republican.

Under Sharia Law for Christ, we must also cut the WIC program for “Woman, Infants and Children.” We must stop this program that helps families eat and makes it easier for women in abusive relationships to live on their own. When we institute our Sharia Law for Christ, independent women will no longer be tolerated. We need to also cut the TANF program (Temporary Assistance to Needy Families) that goes to these welfare sluts who refuse to submit to men. The 8% cuts in this program, so far, are too small to really put a dent in this problem. We must cut 100%!

Most importantly, the Sharia Law for Christ would put an end to all the whiny females that complain when sex goes bad. Rape is not rape, and Republicans are endeavoring spiritually to legally change the definition of rape and make is clear that rape is only when it’s forced, not coerced. Under Sharia Law for Christ, if you’re not brutally beaten during sex, it’s not rape. Even so, if you weren’t meant to be raped, God would have made you a man.

And Georgia has the right idea. They are helping women stop being victims by changing the term used for raped women at trials from “victim” to “accuser”.  I say we go further and call these “accusers”, “whiners.” And the men accused of rape shouldn’t be called “the accused” anymore, they should be called, “the stud” when on trial for rape. Under Sharia Law for Christ, I hope we get rid of all these unholy rape laws.

Another addition to the Sharia Law for Christ is the Blunt Amendment that would have allowed your employer, not yourself or your physician, to decide what kind of health care you could get based on his or her religious convictions. Doctors are NOT the ones who should be advising women on health care, only employers are wise enough to know what women need. Besides, Doctors are scientists, and they lie about the way the world works. Just look at the global warming hoax. Only someone else’s God should be consulted when women make reproductive choices. Did I say choices? Under Sharia Law for Christ, there would be no choices.

Not to be outdone, Arizona Republicans are proposing a law that would allow an employer to fire you if they find you are using birth control as birth control. Moreover, if you are using contraception for a medical condition other than birth control, you must write a letter to your boss explaining why you are using it. While Arizona foreclosures are on the rise again, it’s nice to see the legislature focusing on vaginas. Sharia Law for Christ must continue the tradition of Sharia Law for Muslims and focus on vaginas and what women do with their bodies.

Finally, under Sharia Law for Christ, we would protect the life of the fetus (and not a pregnant woman), especially a human fetus (as apposed to a female fetus), with the Protect Life Act, HR 358, that was passed in the House. The law would allow hospitals to deny abortion care without any exception for emergency situations. Meghan Rhoads, unholy trollop and women’s rights researcher at Human Rights Watch, whines about this, ““The misnamed Protect Life Act is about allowing women to die if they need an emergency abortion.”” She continues, ““It is a vicious attack on women’s rights and on the most basic right to life.””   Abortion is a viscous attack on my morality and God, and she thinks a woman’s life trumps my God! Our country is damned, oh lord!

If only we could have our own virginity tests that they have in some nations have under Muslim Sharia Law. That’s our next project.

 
Please educate yourself further about human rights and read the links provided in the article if you are not yet outraged by the Republican positions on health care, choice and social programs and you think they care about women or men. 

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Report on Obama’s AIPAC Hate Speech by Tex Shelters of Dominion Gospel Reports

In Current Events, Humor, War, World Affairs on March 8, 2012 at 16:34

bomb-iran1 from truthjihad.blogspot.com

Reporting from Dominionist Union Miracle Blessing (D.U.M.B.) studios in downtown Mesa, AZ, I’m Tex Shelters, and this is the Dominion Gospels.

The American Israeli Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) had their recent meetings in Washington, DC from March 4-6, and President Obama, like he inevitably does any chance he gets, inveigled himself into the proceedings to grab attention for himself and his socialist agenda of Israel hating.

Incredibly, like this show and Fox News predicted, Obama’s speech to AIPAC was not aggressive enough toward Iran. Obama is apparently unwilling and unable to invent the kind of facts the American people need in order to attack a Middle Eastern nation, Iran, without provocation. That puts the United States in grave danger. If we aren’t willing to attack nations just because we disagree with them, we might as well study the Quran for the eventual Islamic takeover of our nation. But you know this American won’t do it and I hope that all of you out there have bought your guns for the coming apocalypse if Mr. Obama gets re-elected.

Liberals wait for an actual attack before going to war. The socialist President Franklin Roosevelt needed Pearl Harbor before declaring war on the heathen Japanese. And Jimmy Carter didn’t do nearly enough to take away the rights of Central Americans and we needed our savior, Republican Ronald Reagan, to do what God deemed necessary to fight the communists and kill peasant farmers all over the Western Hemisphere.

When push came to shove, George W. Bush was willing to take it on faith, like true Christians do, that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and that we needed to invade the nation. And it was going well until President O’commie took over and decided we needed to take our troops out of Iraq. Leave it to a Democrat to turn a mission accomplished  into a defeat.

Our one hope is that our friends at AIPAC can convince their brothers and sisters of the faith in Israel to bomb Iran and engage with ground troops so the U.S. will have to get involved. Then a Christian president, a Republican, can make America safe for Democracy once more. Thousands, perhaps millions, of lives is a low cost for Republicans to take back the White House. It worked to get Bush re-elected in 2004, and it will work now. After all, sacrifice is a Christian thing. So I am calling on all you Christians to pray for a war with Iran. Let God know you want to spread his love to Iran. Let God know that you are willing to make the supreme sacrifice to make Iran a safe place for his messengers, Halliburton, Raytheon, Exxon, BP, Shell and other democratic American institutions.

Yours,
Tex Shelters

An anti-Christian site to NOT read about AIPAC–a mouth piece and friend of right-wing ideologues
http://www.commondreams.org/view/2012/03/05-1

After Iran, We Go After The Dangerous French

In Current Events, History, Humor on March 2, 2012 at 20:16

the_french_poodle-from-www-nationstates-net.jpg

Note: I have updated this article and am re-posting it in the hope that people will listen this time!

Dear Patriots,

Now that the plans for the invasion of Iran have been finalized in our Republican Congress, with Hillary Clinton adding her amped-up rhetoric,  the State Department has hired me to come up with the next benefactor of U.S. Democracy. I have decided on the perfect location for our troops: France. This time, we will be ready to invade at the least provocation. And the French like to be provocative, so it won’t take long. We will call this war, “Operation French Fried Freedom.”

With a grant from the Center for Real Atomic Power (C.R.A.P.), a division of TexCoInc LLC, I have written promotional material and talking points for our return to the beaches of Normandy.  This time we will be liberating the French– from themselves! There are many reasons we should invade the brie eaters:

1.   The French are uncooperative. They weren’t willing to invade Iraq with the coalition of the willing in 2003. They don’t even have the same time as us; when it’s morning in America (8 AM in D.C.) it’s afternoon in Paris, France (2 PM). How dare they!

2.   We musts take over their nuclear power generating capacity.  They export $3 billion dollars worth of nuclear energy every year. While we never invade a country because of our energy needs, in this case, we would make an exception.

3.   France not only has WMDs such as nuclear weapons, they also have Weapons of Gay Creation, or WGCs. These gay bombs would turn the target population gay upon impact, and thus, ruin the will to fight of the enemy forces. The United States and Arab nations are especially vulnerable to such a gay attack while the French troops would be immune to its affects. We must stop this WGC creating nation before they launch their missiles at us.

4.   Food of Mass Corpulence or FMCs. The French have been trying to kill us with their fatty foods and cheeses for years. We must invade and force them to cook reduced fat meals.

5.   The French are arrogant and think they’re better than everyone. Ha! In the U.S. we know we are number one and better than the French at everything, except for that stinky soccer. Moreover, we are not arrogant about being better than everyone like the French are, we just know it. Our invasion will wipe those smug smiles off their faces.

6.   They are not as Christian as we are. France is full of atheists like Michel Onfray who want to destroy our way of life. If they don’t like God in France, we will have to kill them to show them how Christian we are.

7.   The French kowtow to Muslims who have Mosques in France and plan prayer meetings. The French just don’t arrest them enough or burn enough Qurans. Allowing Muslims free speech and religion is un-American.

8.   Their president, Nicolas Sarkozy, mocks our manhood and the sanctity of marriage by marrying a former supermodel and current singer, Carla Bruni.

9.   Their government run medical system threatens our way of life by successfully treating their citizens.

10. The French have more sex than other people.  And as we have learned from our Republican leaders, sex is bad and requires, I hate to say, contraception! Moreover, they offer contraception to women with their universal HEALTH CARE! If we invade them, they will stop bragging about sex and have more to worry about.

11. They have lost the last big wars they were in, so it will be no problem invading them. Really, take it from me, I know these things. Like other great Republicans such as Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, I have never been to war or in the military, and that best positions me, from a distance, to make decisions about sending other people’s children overseas to die.

12. We must make the world safe for Hollywood movies by invading France and eliminating their film industry. We will start by destroying all copies of French New Wave “classics” such as Jules et Jim and eliminate all traces of Godard’s Breathless. The Richard Gere version was better and more American anyway.

13. The French poodle is obviously a weaponized dog of terror.

We could easily reconvene the “coalition of the willing” we had in Iraq and for Iran and add new members. We can count on England once more. They are still fuming over the Norman (French) invasion of England in 1066 and could occupy the beaches of Normandy after the invasion as payback. Of course the United States would control the airport and the green zone around Paris.

Please join me in supporting the surge into France during Romney’s first term after we declare “mission accomplished” in Iran. With you, and help from C.R.A.P., we can get it done.

If you disagree, remember, the reasons for invading France are as truthful and logical as the reasons for invading Iraq, Afghanistan, or Iran.

Yours,
Tex Shelters

Tex Shelter’s Best of 2011

In Current Events, Economics, Education, Election Politics, Humor on December 30, 2011 at 20:33

Flaming Peace from growabrain.typepad.com

Need a reading list for 2012? Well, here you are.

These articles have been chosen among the best of 2011 based on originality, quality of writing, and importance of the topic. I chose some because they are funny or at least they gave me a laugh. They are not ranked, they are chosen chronologically and are only numbered for ease of reading.

1. Stop the Race to National Standards and Race to the Top
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/01/08/stop-the-race-to-national-standards-and-race-to-the-top/

This is one of a few articles where I go after high stakes testing as a failed policy (No Child Left Behind) from the Bush administration, given a white wash, and renamed Race to the Top.

Reasons to read: It’s an amalgam of various criticisms of Race to the Top, criticisms that need to be understood before we let corporations ruin our schools beyond repair.

Excerpt: So, teachers’ pay has to be based on how well little John or Sally or Juan or Chin or Liliana does on a standardized test that is only valid if you don’t considered the cultural and economic variations of all students everywhere. And, RTTT gives extra points for creating more charter schools.

2. Michelle Rhee, Wisconsin, and the Attack on Teachers
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/michelle-rhee-wisonsin-and-the-attack-on-teachers/

Why this is worth a read: In this article, I discredit the super-hero of education “reform”, Michelle Rhee. I understand people such as Rhee and Secretary of Education Duncan are symptoms of a greater problem, but like a viral infection, it helps to remove as much of the disease as possible. I also criticize merit based pay that is centered on high stakes testing.

Excerpt: Can you imagine someone going into a hospital, looking at a few charts and then firing half the doctors because they weren’t performing to a set of medical testing data? Most members of Congress would lose their jobs if they had to perform to criteria many of them want to impose on teachers, and they would not put up with it.

3. The Senate is the most Democratic legislative body in the World
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/the-senate-is-the-most-democratic-legislative-body-in-the-world-update-for-linking/

I wrote this article because I was sick and tired of the Senate blocking useful reform and I wanted to explain how undemocrat the Senate is.

Reason to read this: People need to learn facts about the Senate you might not have known. Note the sardonic tone of the piece used to deride this anti-democratic institution.

Excerpt: The latest example of the Senate’s love and support of democracy, though there are so many, is health care reform. By its very nature, the Senators in the finance committee are democratic. They represent a small part of the country, and they can stop health care for everyone.

4. Other Official State Items We Need in Arizona
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/other-official-state-items-we-need-in-arizona/

I wrote this after the Arizona state legislature, in its finite wisdom, decided we needed an official state gun. Arizona is a microcosm of politics in the United States. It’s an example of how a few crazy people can ruin a good state for the rest of us.

Reasons to read: You might laugh and cry and groan all at the same time.

Excerpt: The official state border crossing; changes weekly.

5. Accepted Assumptions that are Wrong: A Healthy Stock Market Means a Healthy Economy
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/accepted-assumptions-that-are-wrong-a-healthy-stock-market-means-a-healthy-economy/

Reason to read: It goes to the very core of misguided economic news, the stock market. It is also one of my best pieces on this myth and a good read, and if I were to give an award for best written, this piece gets the Golden Texy.

Excerpt: Americans outside the brokerage and banking industries, outside of the Forbes 500 and their cronies in D.C, are suffering. The stock market doesn’t gage if average people are doing well, it is a gage of what speculators think they can make from betting on, or against, a certain stock. It is a false indicator of prosperity, unless you look at the holders and manipulators of large stock portfolios.

6. Where is the Proof that Obama is even Human?
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/where-the-proof-that-obama-is-even-human/

Reason to read: In this article, I mock the birthers and those that would take political advantage of birthers by taking it one step further, questioning Obama’s species credentials. If he were a dog, I would want to see his papers.

Excerpt: First, I want to see a copy of Obama’s physical examinations to prove that he is human. The Constitution clearly states that you must be a human to be president, and I have yet to see proof that Obama is. Why won’t any of Obama’s supposed doctors come forward? Perhaps he’s not really a human?

Why hasn’t Michelle Obama come forward with proof Obama is really a man. How do we know that Obama didn’t have a sex change and was really a woman? What proof do we really have? Until I see a photo of Obama’s penis, I can’t believe Obama’s a man. Why won’t Obama come forward with his penis?

Best Line: Why won’t Obama come forward with his penis?

7. How Republicans “Win” Elections or Support the “Voter Shooter Law”
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/how-republicans-win-elections/

Reason to read: A very important article for the year 2012 and the elections. It’s a run-down of the voter suppression and election tactics that make it possible for Republicans to win elections. Then I add a list of suggestions of how to suppress the vote further, as seen in the excerpt below.

Excerpt: 3. Charge neighborhoods with the hiring of employees, the buying of voting machines, and rent in order to have polling places in their neighborhood. That should keep voting down to only those that contribute enough to society to deserve a vote. However, we will not have a poll tax,  for that is un-American.

Memorable line: Voters are easily manipulated by nationalistic symbolism and the Republicans count on it to win elections.

8. How to Promote High Stakes Testing: Lie
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/how-to-promote-high-stakes-testing-lie/

Reason to Read: This article features examples of teachers, schools, superindendents and school districts so desperate for funding that they lied about their test results. This story is important and not enough people know about it.

Excerpt: In the movie Waiting for Superman, charter schools based on the KIPP (Knowledge is Power Program) model are touted as out performing public schools. However, this model leaves children behind and thus their stats are gamed,

“Taxpayer-funded KIPP schools, praised in the film ‘Waiting for Superman,’ succeed in sending poor graduates to college because the lowest-performing students drop out or don’t enroll at all, a study found.”

Important line: So, the high stakes testing regimen faced by schools all over this nation was based on a lie, and that lie has produced millions in sales for CTB/McGraw-Hill, makers of testing materials and friends to President Bush.

9. Obama Shows his Hatred of Israel by Admitting Palestinians are Human
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/obama-shows-his-hatred-of-israel-by-admitting-palestinians-are-human/

Reasons to Read: The article directly discredits the big lie that “Obama hates Israel” in an alternating serious and sardonic style. I wrote it after a well educated Jew I know asked me, “Why does Obama hate Israel?”, and then she refused to debate me on it because instead of using her analytic, scientific brain (she is studying medicine), she told me that she was “too emotional” to talk about it. Well yea.

Look at the facts and learn that Obama wants peace, and that includes for Palestinians too. Sorry, but Obama thinks Palestinians are also human. Some paranoid Jews and Republicans who want to attack Obama don’t even bother to look at Obama’s complete speech and stick to the big lie about Obama’s hatred of Israel that Republicans have pushed since Obama ran for president. Also, look at the map and the borders. The 1967 border is almost exactly the same as the current borders.

Excerpt: Clearly, Netanyahu wants no peace. And there are Arab governments, namely Iran, that don’t want to see a peace between Israelis and Palestinians either. If nothing else, pissing off Iran and other Muslim nationalists in the region should move Israel to peace talks. Furthermore, I am sure there are multinational arms dealers selling weapons to Israel and Muslim jihadists that will suffer greatly if peace breaks out in Israel and Palestine.

Memorable line: How Dare Obama hate Israel by stating their need to be secure!

10. Stop the Socialist FEMA Takeover of the Midwest
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/05/25/stop-the-socialist-fema-takeover-of-the-midwest/

Reason to Read: Republicans hate the government, until they need it. This article mocks the tendency of hypocritical Republicans to take government money when it helps them but cut funding when it might help someone else.

Excerpt/Memorable Line: Yes, the state legislature refuses aid for the unemployed caught under the dual tornado of joblessness and state cuts, and they should stick to their guns, and pull them out of their holsters, to refuse socialist FEMA funds to help those affected by the recent tornadoes.

11. Every Day, I’m More Gay
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/07/25/i’m-more-gay-every-day/

Reasons to read: Sometimes the only thing you can do to fight homophobia is to amuse those that realize most homophobes are scared and ignorant, and laugh at them. I write like a confused homophobe, and exaggerate the fears these people must be feeling to humorous effect. There are too many good lines to quote here, so read it.

Excerpt: Then another shocking revelation came my way when I learned that Freddy Mercury was a gay man the whole time I was listening to his music and watching his videos, on MTV! Imagine a band named “Queen” having homosexual members in it. Who would have known?

Memorable Line: Yes, I know Broadway is not just for gays any more, but it’s the gayt way drug to homosexuality.

12. Defending the Power Elite in America Against the Interests of the People: The Case of the United States Government
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/defending-the-power-elite-in-america-against-the-interests-of-the-people-the-case-of-the-united-states-government/

Reason to read: This article illuminates the undemocratic structures in our government and questions the firmly held beliefs of our elected officials and much of the population that we are a highly evolved democracy. And, it’s not a bad read.

Excerpt:  The form of our government in the United States is one that is not conducive to change and radicalism. It is set up to prevent big sweeping changes and thus promotes the interests of those in power, the moneyed and political elite. Elections for political office do little to change the underlying body politic, changing one face for another, and are only cosmetic in nature.

Line to Remember: As long as we have a two party system in the United States run by money and limited choice, we will never have a government by the people and for the people.

13. Facts about Class, Poverty and Downward Mobility
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/09/28/facts-about-class-poverty-and-downward-mobility/

Reason to read: This article is a well written exposé about class in the United States and the lies the right-wing and political and economic elite use to defend their economic dominance, greed and the plutocracy.

Excerpt: If it was just a matter of working hard, why is poverty rising and wealth more concentrated at the top than ever before? Is it that 80% of Americans are lazy? There is a given amount of wealth in a nation and thus when more wealth is concentrated at the top, there will be more poverty at the bottom.

Memorable Line: The idea of the American dream is one of the most successful pieces of propaganda ever perpetuated.

14. Endangered Billionaire Job Creators

Video of the year by Tex Shelters done in the style of an endangered species ad. If you gag every time you hear the term “job creators” about mega corporations who are actually job cutters, this video is for you.

15. My Dream Christmas Letter From Obama to the Republican National Committee
http://texshelters.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/my-dream-christmas-letter-from-obama-to-the-republican-national-committee/

Reason to Read: The article is a letter I would love to see Obama send Republicans and it explains why he will win in 2012. It also highlights the faulty Republican candidates and how they are not qualified for the campaign trail let alone the office of the presidency. Moreover, it’s funny.

Excerpt: And Michelle Bachmann, what can I say? She thinks black families had it better during slavery than they do now. Thank you for that Representative Bachmann. Have you asked Herman Cain about that?

Memorable line: You know how to make a guy feel welcome, to four more years in the White House.

So there you have it, some of my choices for articles that deserve an addition read and issues that deserve further consideration.

Peace, and happy New Year,
Tex Shelters

Tex Shelters’s Pet Peeves of the 2011

In Current Events, Economics, History, Humor, Occupy Movement on December 28, 2011 at 19:36

 

from petliferadio.com

I ordered these for editorial reasons; they are not ranked. The list is not all inclusive, but they are issues I have experience with and might amuse you. So on with the winners!

Google
Google has slowly crept into almost every aspect of the blogosphere and internet. Soon, you will have to log-in to Google to take a shit in your own home.

The use of the term “pro-life” and “pro-abortion”
People who use the term pro-life to define themselves are usually just pro-fetus. Many of them don’t care if a woman dies as long as the fetus is protected and are the same people who support cuts to education, school lunch programs, immunizations, pell grants, ADFC, and other programs that aid children. And, the forced-birth crowd is often for the death penalty and against health care. So much for “pro-life”. Moreover, nobody is “pro-abortion.” No one is lining up to have an abortion as if they were lining up for Jay-Z tickets. The idea that anyone is pro-abortion is just a lie that ignores the reality of choice in the United States.

Certainly, this could be a pet peeve any year, but the forced-birthers are endangering the lives of half the population to a higher degree than ever by challenging legal and safe medical procedures.  And, the way the argument is framed is part of the reason they get away with it.

Congress
Congress ignores the needs of the people to pander to the 1%. Republicans in Congress spent much of 2010 talking about the deficit and trying to find ways to cut social spending, thus increase unemployment during a recession. In the first half of this year, Republicans spent much of the year still focused on cuts until Occupy Wall Street gathered steam and media attention and helped change the debate from deficits to equity, jobs, and bank criminality. As Republicans took charge of the agenda after winning a majority in the House, Democrats either cheerfully joined in or passively sat by. Let’s hope Congress listens to the people and their needs in 2012.

People who write about the Occupy Movement but have never been to a camp or read the literature provided by various movements
Would you trust a movie reviewer who never saw the movie they are writing about? Then why trust “journalists” who write about the Occupy Movement but have never visited a camp? These critics talk about something they haven’t even experienced, first or secondhand. This also goes for many members of the general public as well who buy into the lies about the movement. One of the most misguided comments I heard was “people only go to Occupy Wall Street to hook up.” Yes, that’s where I would go for a date too, cause all that talk about a widening income gap, buying on margin, and increasing poverty and homelessness gets the ladies and gentlemen hot!

Obampologists 
Anyone who refuses to look at conservative decisions and policies made by President Obama and then turns around and blames those who criticize Obama for his decisions are Obampoligists™. They criitcize anyone who disagrees with Obama on one policy area or another as misguided fools who don’t realize that a Republican would be worse than a Obama. Sorry folks, we know Obama would be better than the current crop of Republican candidates, but he’s not better than say, Reagan. Being better than a Republican doesn’t make you a good president any more than being a better singer than William Shatner means you should win a grammy.

People who write unsupported statements online as if they are facts and don’t provide links or evidence for what they are saying
If you don’t have anything nice to say, at least back up your comments with facts or links or posts or something. Otherwise, you are wasting everyone’s time. That also goes for positive but unsubstantiated claims as well.

The idea that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme
People who think Social Security is a Ponzi scheme know little about either. Let me make it simple: In Ponzi scheme, you put money into an investment and the money actually goes into the pockets of the schemer and you receive a portion of what you invest as “dividends” with promises that you will reap more later if only you invested more. Social Security taxes, on the other hand, are put into a low yield trust for later use and the money you put in is what you are guaranteed later. And unlike a Ponzi scheme, people are getting their money from the Social Security Trust Fund.


Ron Paul supporters
Ron Paul is apparently the best thing since sliced bread for his supporters. But he is a racist who has a few things correct. He wants to end the minimal wage, get rid of a woman’s right to choose, he wants to privatize education, and opposes the separation of church and state among other things.

Sure, I don’t like other Republican (or Democratic) candidates, but the blind allegiance people have to Paul is the real version of the fantasy Obama-messiah complex. However, no one goes anybody go around calling out the followers of the Paulist religion. No, that would be heresy.  People prattle on and on again and again about how Ron Paul is the answer to our problems. If he is the answer, what is the question? Paul is only the answer because the other Republican candidates have no credibility on any issue, and at least Paul can stand by his long held anti-war and fiscally conservative stances in the past. His positions on many issues are well thought out compared to the other GOP candidates. But hey, even I look tan next to an albino.

The use of the term Nazi
Republicans have called President Obama nearly everything, including “Nazi”. The IRS, Occupy Wall Street, all government, Democrats and Republicans have all been called Nazi this year. The Nazis were a one off historical organization and nothing will ever be like the Nazis. If you need a term, although I wouldn’t use this one without reason, use “fascist.”

Promoting the misuse of the term “Nazi” distorts history and promotes ignorance, as is exemplified when a fourteen year old boy was beaten by bullies in a suburban Denver school as they called him “Nazi” for being German and “Fag” for liking musical theater.    This is disturbing in many ways, and sidesteps the fact that Nazis killed homosexuals by the thousands in WWII.  But history seldom trumps racism and homophobia. Even Democrats joined the chorus of people misusing the label “Nazi” as Rep. Cohen (an ironically Jewish sir name), compared Republican tactics against health care to Nazi tactics. 

People who don’t read my online articles
No, seriously, thanks to my dozens of readers and I wish you all a happy New Year. Please post your own pet peeves below or link this to other social media sites with a click of your mouse.

 

Peace,
Tex Shelters

The Twelve Days of Christmas as done by Tex Shelters

In Current Events, Election Politics, Humor, World Affairs on December 17, 2011 at 19:59

What has Congress given us the last year? Watch the video and learn.

PTxS

My Dream Christmas Letter From Obama to the Republican National Committee

In Current Events, Election Politics, Humor on December 12, 2011 at 23:13

from tlj-news.com

Dear Republican National Committee:

First of all, Merry Christmas. See, I’m not against Christmas like you think, ha ha.

Seriously, I know we haven’t always got along these last three years. However, I want to thank you for the recent discussions of issues you’ve had at those debates. They’re priceless.

I loved to hear all those audience members cheer Governor Perry’s executions of U.S. citizens, some possibly innocent, in Texas. It makes our drone attacks seem downright humane.

And Ron Paul’s comments about people on their death bed and Tea Party support for death panels bolsters national support for the health care plan we passed in 2009. I appreciate it Representative Paul.

And Michelle Bachmann, what can I say? She thinks black families had it better during slavery than they do now. Thank you for that Representative Bachmann. Have you asked Herman Cain about that?

Thanks for reminding America that I was the one who ordered the capture and killing of Osama Bin Laden. Every time you criticize my foreign policy record, average Americans remember how I got the man who planned 9/11. So thanks. And now, remind them that I was the one who ended the fighting in Iraq. I love it when we can work together for my reelection.

I want to thank Rick Perry for angering not only gays, but all the Jews in America, the non-evangelicals, about 2/3rds of Christians, the intellectuals, and all the people who can fire more that two neurons at once and realize there is no war on Christmas.  And thank you Governor Perry for your continued ignorance of the separation of church and state.

In general, thanks for supporting an end to the minimum wage, and end of the education department, supporting child labor (Here’s to you Newt!), cuts to Social Security and Medicaid and cuts to billionaires taxes, and all the great things you say and do.

You Repubilcans make a guy feel loved, by the rest of America that you have petrified. You know how to make a guy feel welcome, to four more years in the White House.

Merry Christmas, see you in 2012. I can’t wait.

Your Black President,
Barack Hussein (suck on it) Obama.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

“Child Labor Laws are Stupid” and other Republican Ideas

In Current Events, Humor on December 5, 2011 at 18:36

from media.masslive.com

Newt Gingrich got to the crux of the problem in America when he said, “Child labor laws are stupid!” Why prevent perfectly healthy children from working when they can. Then we could reduce labor costs and businesses would hire more people as they do with their tax cuts.

Other Republicans had to get behind this stupidity so as not to be left behind by children.

Michelle Bachman came out and told us that, “Science is stupid. What’s the point anyway? If you have to be a nerd or like Denis Kucinich to understand it, you can have it.”

Mitt Romney was clear about this choice, “Reporters are stupid, especially Bret Baier. They ask about books and think it matters what we said and did in the past when it’s obviously not the past and they make up past positions they think you had just to get you.”

Sarah Palin concurs, “Yes, and reporters ask you about the Constitution and what newspapers you read, as if any of that matters.”

Rick Perry thinks that having to come up with three items in a list is stupid. “Why isn’t two enough, why do people always insist on  I also think that the ACLU is stupid for writing me letters not to execute people that might be innocent. What a waste of time it is trying to save those on a Texas death row.”

Herman Cain says that workers are stupid. “If they weren’t stupid, they would be bosses. The poor are also stupid. It’s their fault they don’t have work. And Democrats who lie about my sexual business are also stupid.”

Ron Paul says that, “My fellow Republican candidates are stupid for supporting the wars, and beyond that, anybody who supported the Civil Rights Act is stupid. Don’t people know that segregation and voting rights would have worked themselves out in the South without big government interfering?”

Rick Santorum, always trying to be a conciliator says that, “Obama is stupid. How can he think he can beat the brilliant team we have assembled here to beat him? Beating an old Man like McCain is one thing, but we all agree that you have to be pretty stupid to be a Democrat.”

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Billionaires and their Allies tell the Occupy Movement to Stop It!

In Current Events, Economics, Humor on October 11, 2011 at 18:28

This is a call to all Americans to stop occupying things. Can’t you see that by making all this noise about how unjust our economic system is that you are hurting job creators. And we were just about to take our $1.8 trillion in surplus cash and create some jobs, but you had to ruin things.

Why is it that these occupy people hate capitalism. Capitalism is working quite well for us billionaires. And as Herman Cain makes clear, if you’re not a billionaire, you have only your self to blame. Sure we helped pass laws that benefit only us. You too can have laws written for you, but you are too lazy to buy Congress members to do your bidding. Why not hire some lobbyists who use free speech to get our agenda through Congress? President to be Cain was right; if your not rich, you have only yourself to blame.

First, you accuse us of sending jobs overseas. Well, if you want a job, move to China or Indonesia. We send jobs where the workers are, why don’t you move to where the jobs are?

Then you accuse us of manipulating the markets and betting against our overvalued mortgage bundles and by creating hedge funds.  If only you had created your own hedge funds, you too would have been rich.

Then there are those of you so lazy as to point out that the top 5% of earners is the only group to have their real wages increase in the last twenty years. If you want high wages, why do you choose to be poor? It’s not our fault that 95% of America doesn’t know how to manage their money and become rich. The top 5% deserves their raises, the rest of the America does not. Otherwise, you would have earned them.

Some liberal whiners want to TAX the job creators. My Dollar Almighty! Why should we have to pay our share of the benefits we reap from society when we are the only ones contributing to the wealth? The occupy movements have it all wrong. We should get things for free and you should pay our taxes for us, for without us job creators, you wouldn’t exist. It’s a tribute you must pay to us because of our magnificence. At least we won’t chop off you heads like Genghis Khan would have if you didn’t pay tribute, yet.

The occupy movement has no focus, because without one talking point, it’s too hard to understand. Do you expect us to read your manifesto? That’s over 600 words and we are too busy laying people off and paying out bonuses to read things.

Here are a few of the things our members think they saw on Wall Street and why you should be afraid of the protesters. We know they hate capitalism, are violent and will invade your homes; Bill O’Reilly and Fox News told us. If you watch the videos of protesters being beaten and pepper sprayed, you will see how dangerous they are.

But that’s not all. We interviewed other reliable sources on how to fear the protesters.

“There are witches on Wall Street that want to turn you into a toad, or worse, make you poor,” says Salem Tribunal II. “I swear I saw them fly around on brooms.”

“They are pod people from outer space who will invade the bodies of Wall Street bankers and ruin us all,” screams Connie Spiracy III.

Christian Striker of the Alien Defense League Enforcement Division, A.D.L.E.D., testifies, “They are mutants, with mutant powers, and they will control your minds and invade your bead at night and make you believe that the top 1% don’t deserve all our nation’s wealth and political control.

An anonymous source states that, “They are Yeti abortion communists!”

The facts are in. The occupy movement is dangerous because they remind you how good we billionaires have it at your expense. But mostly they are dangerous because they make average Americans realize they can make a difference and have a voice.

Find and Occupy Group in your area: http://www.occupytogether.org/

Peace,
Tex Shelters

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