texshelters

Looking for a true Conservative for 2012

In Current Events, Election Politics on September 15, 2010 at 01:57

The only way to save our nation is to have a true conservative as president in 2012. As I scan the political landscape, I yearn to find a person who will fit that bill.

Sure, some of you part-time conservatives might say, “What’s wrong with John McCain?” Well, John McCain is NOT a real conservative. He forgot the most important commandments of American politics when he helped pass the McCain-Feingold Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002.

The first commandment of conservative politics is that you don’t cooperate with the enemy, and the leftist Senator Feingold is the enemy writ large.

The Second commandment is that money is free speech, and we must expand the use of money in politics if Republicans are going to rule over the people again. I would add that one should NEVER put their name on a bill, lest they be called liberal at a later date. And McCain only voted with Bush 95% of the time. Only liberals disagree with their leadership 5% of the time. Only liberals allow members to think for themselves.

Gun owners think McCain is too liberal too, “John McCain is one of these pretenders. He is a leftist in disguise, using his popularity and charisma to masque his liberal leanings. In reality, McCain resides as far to the Left as John Kerry. Anyone who thinks otherwise deludes himself.” McCain has charisma? That’s definitely a liberal trait!

That’s enough for me. Gun owners say McCain is too liberal, thus he is!

Now some of you might say that I should look at Teaparty darling Sarah Palin of Alaska. Well, you are whack. Have you seen her family? Her daughter was an unwed teenage mother and that smacks of liberalism.

Only liberals let their daughter get pregnant without forcing the sperm donor into a painful retracted marriage at the barrel of a gun. No, Palin is obviously a liberal under her Mama Grizzly skins. And Palin uses all this feminazi language that scares me and other man, again proving she’s a secret liberal. As one lifetime feminazi said about Palin, “I know Sarah Palin cares about women’s rights, she cares about equality, she cares about equal pay, and as vice president she will fight for it.” (link)

Well that’s enough for me. It’s obvious that Palin hates men, for she get’s support from Democratic feminist commies and supports equal rights and pay. Thus, Palin is NOT a true conservative.

How about Dick Cheney, he must be conservative enough? Well, I have one word for you: “Lesbian Daughter”. As Alan Keyes, perpetual Illinois Republican Senate candidate, says homosexuality is “selfish hedonism” and said Vice President Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter Mary Cheney is a sinner.

The sins of the daughter reflect the sins of the father. Besides, a true conservative would have had a heart attack if his lesbian daughter decided to have a baby as Mary Cheney, sinner, has done.

At least Cheney was conservative enough to avoid service in Vietnam, I’ll give him that much.

Alan Keyes then? Too black.

Glenn Beck? Real conservatives don’t cry.

Mitch McConnell–Senate Minority leader?

Look at the guy. He’s obviously sinning by choking the chicken. And masturbation is the same as adultery!

Newt Gingrich He’s been divorced, and more importantly, everyone knows about his divorces. Only liberals divorce.

That’s why I’ve never been married; I don’t want to become a liberal like Gingrich.

Republican Constitutional scholars point out that they couldn’t find anything in the Constitution that says George W. Bush can’t run for President once more. So why don’t I support him for president again? It’s because Bush said compassionate and understanding things about Muslims after 9/11.

“I also want to speak tonight directly to Muslims throughout the world. We respect your faith. It’s practiced freely by many millions of Americans, and by millions more in countries that America counts as friends. Its teachings are good and peaceful, and those who commit evil in the name of Allah blaspheme the name of Allah. The terrorists are traitors to their own faith, trying, in effect, to hijack Islam itself.” (link)

Muslim friends? Respect their faith? Good and peaceful teachings?

What was the man thinking? He’s WAY too liberal. He didn’t invade Iran, and his wife is a LIBRARIAN!

Ann Coulter? Well, “Right-wing news site WorldNetDaily has dumped the conservative pundit over her association with a gay group.”

Oh my God! Coulter is hanging out with gays? She’s definitely a liberal whore.

Have you seen here lately? She’s no longer hot, so she can’t be a conservative talking babe. She has to be liberal because she’s become an ugly hag. http://womensissues.about.com/b/2008/10/08/sarah-palin-the-milf-factor-and-ugly-women-vs-pretty-women.htm

(Special thanks to MTRG and other conservative males for inspiration)

Coulter also said that she would vote for Hillary Clinton over McCain. That’s proof she’s a liberal, even though she didn’t support liberal McCain.

So what candidate do real conservatives support in 2012? Someone who has a strong marriage, someone who supports the Patriot Act, who doesn’t oppose “don’t ask; don’t tell”, someone who is firm against gay marriage, someone who challenges liberals like Hillarity Clinton, Alan Grayson, and Dennis Kook-sin-itch, a man (of course) who won’t let universal health care pass, won’t challenge “too big to fail”, won’t cut and run in Afghanistan, will fight insurgents with torture and use rendition, and has a long history of Christian family values, at least by attending Church.

I guess I’ll have to support Barack Obama again.

Yours,
Tex Shelters

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  1. LMAO!! But, but, Obama is not an American 😉

  2. Love your punch line.

    (And hate how terribly true it is…)

  3. Yeah, that last line is a killer… Maybe his slogan for 2012 should be Hussein again! (pronounced the British way)

  4. I’m partial to Mitch Daniels (R-IN) Our State of Indiana is one of the very few who aren’t on the brink of financial disaster. Palin could be 2nd on the ticket, the star power of the ticket. McCain? To old, ever since TV Looks mean allot, Kennedy v Nixon comes to mind.

  5. Perhaps Daniels is a rare moderate Republican, until the Tea Party Challenges him.

    Thanks. Jake.

    Peace,
    Tex Shelters

  6. I think Daniels leans more towarad the Libertarian wing of the Party than the Moderate wing. I believe he would be a good fit with the Tea Party.

    http://www.zimbio.com/Governor+Mitch+Daniels/articles/UvjHi00nIMg/Indiana+Gov+Mitch+Daniels+goes+Libertarian

  7. Wasn’t the last time the country was in the black, a Dem was in the big chair?
    I know we are in a recession & all, but…

    • Bythetime,

      Why yes. We weren’t debt free, but we took in more than we spent under Clinton, and as you know as well, Bush and Reagan drove the deficits UP!

      Peace,
      Tex Shelters

  8. Ha ha ha
    only liberals let their progeny get their own progeny without the Safety net of Wedlock!!!

    You paint some strange landscapes Tex…

    cOULTER gETS mY vOTE/// What a charming bundle of muscle and bone.. I’d like to see her running your vast nation…

    It’d be like nothing you or any one could’ve possibly imagined …. even in an LSD fuelled dream…

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