Republicans are Losing Their Best and Their Brightest by Tex Shelters

In Current Events, Humor on May 17, 2011 at 23:47

Huckabee and Nugent Wango Tango from http://thedailydeets.com/archives/47449

Republicans are losing their best people in droves as we head toward the 2012 presidential race faster than a Sarah Palin tweet become irrelevant. And I am not talking about women, Latinos and Blacks.  Those minorities will never be American enough to be true Republicans. And remember I said, “The Best and Brightest.”

No, I am talking about Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump who have decided to put their own financial interest above America. I salute their decisions, but it is a loss to the Republican cause. Who now with step forward with the twin flags of evangelicalism and hypocritical free market, anti-government talking points. Who will stand against the facts about Obama’s birth certificate in a time of crisis in America? Who will fight for the facts of creationism, the facts that make this nation great, over the liberal dogma of science in the classroom?

Donald Trump is a stunning loss. Who thought that The Donald would drop out when he still had work to do fabricating issues from the flotsam of previous failed billionaire bids for the White House?  In his concession speech, he said that, “”Business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.””  He also made the unfalsifiable claim that he could win the Republican primary and the White House, if he wanted to.

Trump could see that all the attention he was getting for making up factoids was damaging his clean cut image as a paragon of virtue, so he had to drop out.

Other reasons Trump dropped out include:

His hair has a higher Q rating.

His slogan “You’re fired” didn’t test well.

Oprah wouldn’t interview him on her show.

America’s sweetheart Rachel Maddow didn’t give him enough attention.

Donors were afraid that giving money to him was a big gamble.

Trump has spent less than fourteen years in the United States having spent the rest on Mars.

Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin know more about American history and the Constitution than him.

Not to be outdone, former Arkansas Governor and current Baptist Minister and radio show host Mike Huckabee also says he could have won the nomination. However, God told him not to run. As Huckabee pointed out, “All the factors say go, but my heart says no”, and “Being president is a job that takes one to the limit of his or her human capacity. For me, to do it apart from the inner confidence that I was undertaking it without God’s full blessing is simply unthinkable.” (link) 

So, just like Trump relied on his own God, Trump, to make the decision for him, Huckabee relied on his God for he can’t think with the assist form Yahweh.

Other than his calling from God to continue making money from his television show and thus not run for President, Huckabee’s reasons for not running for President include:

The possibility that Huckabee could tour with Ted Nugent on his evangelical “Pussys Purring for God” tour.

Huckabee wants to spend more time reinventing history with sound bites for kids. http://learnourhistory.com/ on Youtube

He wants to spend more time idolizing Reagan.

Huckabee wants to spend more time exploring same sex marriage and how it will ruin America.

Huckabee dropped out because they refused to change the title of President to “Baptist in Chief”.

He is organizing “month of prayer” events to pray for an end to abortions.

Other notables who have dropped out of the race before starting include Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, South Dakota Sen. John Thune and Indiana Rep. Mike Pence.

Barbour dropped out because Mississippi wouldn’t support a commemorative license plate to Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest, Confederate General and early KKK Grand Wizard. How dare the racist left prevent the commemoration of a Grand Wizard. I would drop out too.

John Thune will be dedicating himself to learning English, which he hopes one day will become the official language of the United States.

Mike Pence is going to stay in Indiana and run for Governor where he can easily refuse federal funds and not burden taxpayers using Air Force 1 like Comrade Obama does. (link)

I don’t know what we are going to do without these paragons of Americanism. All we can do is hope that Bachmann and Palin jump into the race. Really, how excited can anyone get over writing Mitt Romney jokes?

Tex Shelters

  1. mike huckabee just bought a mc mansion about 20~25 miles away over in walton county, fl. with the economy the way it is, probably be a pain to unload it if he got elected.

    • UJ,

      Interesting point. One of the candidates said, and “I don’t think I could afford a pay cut” about running for president.

      Tex Shelters

  2. At least there’ll be a lot of sardonic laughter on our way to H. sapiens’ extinction leaving a happy, sane and relieved planet. The world is not what’s insane.

  3. Leeza,

    Are humans insane, or are we just into pathologizing our state on this planet? We do often act in a way that is harmful and not beneficial to life on earth. Is that the definition of insanity?

    Tex Shelters

  4. Palin won’t get in, she’s having to much fun doing what she’s now. Bachman? IDK, I loose her somewhere in the translation. The Big Money and Power in the Party are lining up behind Daniels. I don’t know how much traction people will get with short bald jokes. I do hope he trades in the Presidential Limo for a Presidential Harley.


    • Bachmann is really out there with her made up fear agenda.

      If the Republicans are smart, they will stay away from her. Luckily, the Tea Party folks love her.

      Tex Shelters

  5. Well Daniels is out, sited Family as a reason, the women in the family have a Veto. I’m disappointed but can more than understand why he made his decision. Hell who needs it. Jon Huntsman, is now in (just what we needed another Liberal Republican who believes when he dies he will be in a celestial heaven as the next Adam on his own planet). IDK Tex, if Paul, Romney, or Huntsman get the Nomination I may just sit 2012 out on a Presidential level. Maybe I’ll just vote for myself for President. It’s early we’ll have to just wait to see how this shakes out. Right now my two favorites are Cain and Palin. Why Cain and Palin? Little to do with their views, but I really like them both on a personal level.

    • Jake,

      Perhaps Daniels wants to stay and help Indiana.

      I think Daniels is running in 2016 when Obama is out. Obama will have too much money and not be hated enough to lose. The issue of money is terrible in these races, but Republicans have usually been the party to block limits. Now the chickens have come home to roost as Obama will outspend them all.

      Tex Shelters

      • I think the 2012 race will be closer than most think and I don’t think money will be as big of an issue as people make it out to be. It’ll be settled in a few battleground states and the old grumpy guy who Conservatives and Libertarians hated won’t be on the ticket. I don’t see anyway Indiana will go into the Obama column again in 2012 and all Reps have to do is pick up a few states who hated McCain. I really don’t see Romney getting the Nomination although he probably is who Dems would most like to run against. I also don’t think for a second Paul or Huntsman will get it either and the only thing I see huntsman doing is drawing votes from Romney. Paul’s People were never in the Party, after the Primary they’ll vote for Obama or take a few hits off their bong in their moms basement instead. Daniels in 2016? I don’t see it happening, his wife never really liked Politics and what the Candidates Families have to put up on a National Level is enough for most decent to say heck with it.

        In the end Mitch is right, Family is the most important thing.

  6. Jake,

    Most of the time the candidates with most money win. I wish you were correct that it didn’t mean that much.


    If you can be right with your family and be president, I say go for it. It takes a special type of ego maniac to become president, that’s for sure.

    Tex Shelters

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: