texshelters

Billionaires and their Allies tell the Occupy Movement to Stop It!

In Current Events, Economics, Humor on October 11, 2011 at 18:28

This is a call to all Americans to stop occupying things. Can’t you see that by making all this noise about how unjust our economic system is that you are hurting job creators. And we were just about to take our $1.8 trillion in surplus cash and create some jobs, but you had to ruin things.

Why is it that these occupy people hate capitalism. Capitalism is working quite well for us billionaires. And as Herman Cain makes clear, if you’re not a billionaire, you have only your self to blame. Sure we helped pass laws that benefit only us. You too can have laws written for you, but you are too lazy to buy Congress members to do your bidding. Why not hire some lobbyists who use free speech to get our agenda through Congress? President to be Cain was right; if your not rich, you have only yourself to blame.

First, you accuse us of sending jobs overseas. Well, if you want a job, move to China or Indonesia. We send jobs where the workers are, why don’t you move to where the jobs are?

Then you accuse us of manipulating the markets and betting against our overvalued mortgage bundles and by creating hedge funds.  If only you had created your own hedge funds, you too would have been rich.

Then there are those of you so lazy as to point out that the top 5% of earners is the only group to have their real wages increase in the last twenty years. If you want high wages, why do you choose to be poor? It’s not our fault that 95% of America doesn’t know how to manage their money and become rich. The top 5% deserves their raises, the rest of the America does not. Otherwise, you would have earned them.

Some liberal whiners want to TAX the job creators. My Dollar Almighty! Why should we have to pay our share of the benefits we reap from society when we are the only ones contributing to the wealth? The occupy movements have it all wrong. We should get things for free and you should pay our taxes for us, for without us job creators, you wouldn’t exist. It’s a tribute you must pay to us because of our magnificence. At least we won’t chop off you heads like Genghis Khan would have if you didn’t pay tribute, yet.

The occupy movement has no focus, because without one talking point, it’s too hard to understand. Do you expect us to read your manifesto? That’s over 600 words and we are too busy laying people off and paying out bonuses to read things.

Here are a few of the things our members think they saw on Wall Street and why you should be afraid of the protesters. We know they hate capitalism, are violent and will invade your homes; Bill O’Reilly and Fox News told us. If you watch the videos of protesters being beaten and pepper sprayed, you will see how dangerous they are.

But that’s not all. We interviewed other reliable sources on how to fear the protesters.

“There are witches on Wall Street that want to turn you into a toad, or worse, make you poor,” says Salem Tribunal II. “I swear I saw them fly around on brooms.”

“They are pod people from outer space who will invade the bodies of Wall Street bankers and ruin us all,” screams Connie Spiracy III.

Christian Striker of the Alien Defense League Enforcement Division, A.D.L.E.D., testifies, “They are mutants, with mutant powers, and they will control your minds and invade your bead at night and make you believe that the top 1% don’t deserve all our nation’s wealth and political control.

An anonymous source states that, “They are Yeti abortion communists!”

The facts are in. The occupy movement is dangerous because they remind you how good we billionaires have it at your expense. But mostly they are dangerous because they make average Americans realize they can make a difference and have a voice.

Find and Occupy Group in your area: http://www.occupytogether.org/

Peace,
Tex Shelters

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  1. One more reason to fear and hate Occupy Wall: A dangerous precedent! The first social movement to include animals — the other species than Homo sapiens sapiens — in its purview, officially, in the Official Statement of the General Assembly of Occupy Wall Street. Who knows where we could be headed from here? My bible allows me to torture animals because I have dominion over them and they were put on Earth by the Christian God for my exploitation to use and to use up and to get rich from. This movement is for all of us! Down with THAT!

  2. LOL…I enjoyed that piece. Nice work.

  3. I wonder how long it will take the world to send military aid to help oust the evil dictator Obama who seems to be directing the police beat down of these poor socialist I mean freedom loving folks. Tax the rich and send their money to me…

  4. Sorry for my tardiness to the party Tex, the Government seems to think I need to work to eat and since I like to eat I must work.

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