Dear Republican National Committee:
First of all, Merry Christmas. See, I’m not against Christmas like you think, ha ha.
Seriously, I know we haven’t always got along these last three years. However, I want to thank you for the recent discussions of issues you’ve had at those debates. They’re priceless.
I loved to hear all those audience members cheer Governor Perry’s executions of U.S. citizens, some possibly innocent, in Texas. It makes our drone attacks seem downright humane.
And Ron Paul’s comments about people on their death bed and Tea Party support for death panels bolsters national support for the health care plan we passed in 2009. I appreciate it Representative Paul.
And Michelle Bachmann, what can I say? She thinks black families had it better during slavery than they do now. Thank you for that Representative Bachmann. Have you asked Herman Cain about that?
Thanks for reminding America that I was the one who ordered the capture and killing of Osama Bin Laden. Every time you criticize my foreign policy record, average Americans remember how I got the man who planned 9/11. So thanks. And now, remind them that I was the one who ended the fighting in Iraq. I love it when we can work together for my reelection.
I want to thank Rick Perry for angering not only gays, but all the Jews in America, the non-evangelicals, about 2/3rds of Christians, the intellectuals, and all the people who can fire more that two neurons at once and realize there is no war on Christmas. And thank you Governor Perry for your continued ignorance of the separation of church and state.
In general, thanks for supporting an end to the minimum wage, and end of the education department, supporting child labor (Here’s to you Newt!), cuts to Social Security and Medicaid and cuts to billionaires taxes, and all the great things you say and do.
You Repubilcans make a guy feel loved, by the rest of America that you have petrified. You know how to make a guy feel welcome, to four more years in the White House.
Merry Christmas, see you in 2012. I can’t wait.
Your Black President,
Barack Hussein (suck on it) Obama.