texshelters

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Tex Shelters Salutes The Reagan Library

In History, Human Rights and the Constitution, Humor on October 6, 2011 at 19:31

Reagan with the Mujahideen from globalresearch.ca

Recently, the Republican party held a presidential debate at the Reagan Library in Simi Valley, Ca. While the library is a wonderful living tribute to the Patriarch of our party, and many of the exhibits are worthy of this great man, it lacks what us modern conservatives loved most about him.

The Ronald Reagan library is a great place, with a panel from the Berlin Wall that Reagan pulled down, Air Force One and Reagan’s papers and oval office furniture. But it is missing some exhibits that would complete the collection. Here is what real modern Conservatives want to see to complete the Reagan library.

The Tomb of the Unknown Dead Central American Peasant. Reagan doesn’t get nearly enough credit for the deaths of Central American peasants at the hands of right-wing governments and death squads funded by the United States. We need to rectify this.

A special adjunct to the Tomb of the Unknown Dead Central American Peasant would be the Morning in America, nightmare for Nicaragua exhibit including photos of dead nuns and priest who got in the way of U.S. freedom seeking bullets and death squads.

The just say no exhibit of the war on drugs. The war on drugs was one of the greatest wars Reagan fought. The exhibit would feature syringes, cokes spoons, crack pipes, bongs and other drug paraphernalia that we assume millions of people didn’t use because of Reagan’s policies and Nancy Reagan saying “no”. The federal sentencing laws, the death penalty for drug king pins that put marijuana drug growers on death row, the return of minimum sentencing guidelines, and increase in the prison population are all highlights of Reagan’s war on drugs that you would have to be high to miss.

Freedom Fighter Display and Exhibit. Exhibits featuring photos, videos and the written testimony of freedom fighters who fought against the Soviets in Afghanistan, the Mujahideen. A video time line called “Mujahideen over the years” with be played every 30 minutes showing how they transformed themselves in the Taliban and started using the weapons the Reagan White House sold them against the Afghan people, our allies and our soldiers.

Reagan doesn’t get nearly enough credit for arming terrorists organizations in Afghanistan and creating the enormous profits our companies make fighting this U.S. armed fighters. President Reagan’s patriotic actions and active obsession with destroying the already collapsing Soviet Union at whatever costs helped Bin Laden gain power and eventually led to the attacks on 9/11.

We would add quotes that we find important that the Ronald Reagan Library exhibit left out. Of course they feature the famous, “Gorbachev, tear down this wall” and  “It’s morning in America.” And there’s also the advice he gives of a personal nature: “There’s nothing so good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse.” and “Man’s yearning for freedom can be satisfied in only one way, freedom.”  We need to include more quotes to set the record straight on Reagan’s conservative credentials.

Like global warming deniers of today, Reagan went after the tree hugging hippies logic when he famously stated the hidden facts that, “trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”

President Reagan had a great influence on President George W. Bush and today’s Republican Congress when he said, “They say hard work never hurt anybody, but, I figure, why take the chance?”

And he gave sage advice to all politicians in American when he said, Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.”

So won’t you please spread the knowledge of this great man that the library left out. The world needs to see a complete picture of our greatest president who was a former actor with a chimp and once married to Jane Wyman.

Link for more quotes:
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/06/06/1086460157435.html
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4161/is_20040606/ai_n12895821/

Peace,
Tex Shelters

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D.C. Files for FEMA Funding

In Current Events, Humor on September 26, 2011 at 23:36

from shankbone.org

Facing the worst drought of ideas in eighty years, and exacerbated by the Bush presidency, our nation’s capital has filed for emergency relief funds. “We once used to export ideas, with Jefferson, Thomas Paine, Eleanor Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Duke Ellington, Dave Chappelle. Now our concept economy has dried up,” said Deputy Vice Mayor of District Parks, Giuliana Scherzo. “We might have to ask Europe for help with our idea deficit. Perhaps they could send Lars Von Trier or Werner Herzog to help out. In the past, we could ask Hollywood or Mowtown for a fresh thought or two, but have you seen the latest movies and heard the latest records?”

“Who knows when and where the next ideas will come,” said long time D.C. resident Emiliano Cassius Bolivar, Jr, owner of an acting studio for Congressional members. “We thought that Obama and his team would help address the conceptual deficit in our nation’s capital, but it just hasn’t happened.”

And since the new Republican dominated House has taken over, the reserve supply of ideas has run dry.

It also didn’t help that Michelle Rhee was D.C. schools chancellor from 2007 to 2010 trotting out her tried and failed concept of high stakes testings.

Representative Peter King suggested that if D.C. used FEMA funds, that it would have to be paid for by budget cuts, but perhaps D.C. residents could work as maids and butlers to reconcile the budget.

With the retirement of Bill Gates and now Steve Jobs, no relief is in sight for this crisis.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Rick Perry, Death, and Hypocrisy

In Current Events, Economics, Humor on September 14, 2011 at 00:15

In 1989, Rick Perry gets the fateful call of duty. Perry picks up the phone as the clock strikes midnight.

Perry: Hello?

Death: Rick.

Perry: Who is this?

Death: Death

Perry: Come on, who is this, Larry? Larry from A&M?

Death: It’s death.

Perry: (mocking) Okay Larry…death, what do ya want?

Death: You looked hot in that Hitler uniform in college. Reminds me of the good old days back in Germany…

Perry: Wha…?

Death (continues): much hotter than that cheerleading costume…

Perry: Who IS this?

Death:  You show real potential, but your going to have to leave the Democratic party to realize it. Remember when you killed those ants with the magnifying glass. I could sense the real joy you felt in your heart giving those ants what they deserve. And that time at the funeral of House Speaker Sam Rayburn of your home state, you so wanted the power over life and death.  Life and death is my area of expertise, but you felt that yearning.

Perry: Yes.

Death: I want to help you realize your full potential. I want to put you in the Governor’s mansion in Texas to ensure those on death row die.

Perry: (Excited, like he watching ants die) Yes.

Death: (Smiling inside) Yes. I have some other missions for you. First, you must leave the Democratic party and join the party of Death, the Gravediggers Own Party. Sure, I work with Democrats as well, but with them, it’s always compromise. If I have to kill a few million in Cambodia, can I at least “save some starving Africans”.

Perry: And if I change to Republican, you can help me get in the Governors Mansion?

Death: I would kill to have someone like you running Texas, ha ha, in fact I will kill. And if you heed my words, perhaps even the White House is in the offing.

Forward to February 13 to February 14, 2004. Perry is up late reading an evidence report. The curtains in his den billow out, and Perry sees a ghostly shape he hasn’t seen since his successful election for Governor. Death appears to Perry.

Death: Hello Rick. You know what to do with the evidence exonerating Cameron Todd Willingham, correct?  Besides, what do scientists know about fire that I don’t know. Accidental or not, he still started that fire, and…(waiting for Perry to finish his sentence)

Perry: …he deserves to die. (on his knees) Yes my lord. I must ignore the evidence, ignore science, ignore the capital punishment statute, and have faith in you. But how do you know the fire wasn’t intentional?

Death: (in a threatening tone) I WAS THERE. Remember, I am death.

Perry: But you want me to kill Willingham anyway?

Death: Yes, death always wants death, as should you. Besides it’s his time. God told me (chuckles to himself).

Perry: And then you’ll let me be President.

Death: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I already have the deal with Bush in place. So, are you a man of science, or a man of faith. Be careful how you answer.

Perry: My faith in you got me elected to office…

At that moment, Perry’s wife Anita comes into the room and interrupts.

Anita: Rick, you okay. Who are you talking to?

Perry: (surprise, but making a quick recovery) Uh, yes, just praying.

A couple of years later Death makes an impromptu visit to Perry while he is cleaning his favorite Colt 45.

Death: Hello Rick. (Perry jumps) Good job making cuts to the health care system. Texas will now have the lowest rate of insured in the nation. You make me proud. And as you know, less insured people means they will die an early death.

Perry: Well, we can’t afford…

Death: Cut the crap Rick. You did it because it makes our buddies, the plagues of conservatism, happy. And it quickens the apocalypse, which we can both agree will be a great day.

Perry: Yes. (Perry looks around the garage to make sure his wife isn’t looking on).

Death: And good job on those gun regulations, especially the guns on campus bill. That should get me a few new costumers soon. Here’s hoping. You’ve done such a good job keeping those executions rolling that I have an idea to make the state money I’ll pass along to you. It’s called dead peasants insurance. I suggest you start with insuring teachers, since they will soon have guns in their class rooms. You take out life insurance on them, and when they die, for whatever reason, the insurance goes to the state. I can help with the death, by the way.

Perry: I’ll get right on it. Thank you lord. Get life insurance for the teachers, then cash in. Only death could come up with a plan like that.

Death: One more thing. I love that Texas miracle. Low wage jobs for everyone! Low wages, low health, no insurance and high deaths. And the people believe the economy is gangbusters in Texas, but we both know that Texas undercuts the other states for those minimum wage jobs and avoids those terrible life affirming unions. (death smiles his boney grin) You make me so happy Rick.

Death meets Perry backstage at the Republican debate in 2011.

Death: Remember, I will be in your head, so when they ask you the tough questions about the capital punishment, I’ll be right there with you.

Perry: And I’m here for you lord.

Herb Cain catches Perry in contemplation.

Cain: It’s alway good to call on your lord in times of stress, like I do when I pray about what to do with Muslims.

Death laughs.

At the Republican Debate at Reagan Library, Rick Perry stood up for death. When asked about all the people he allowed to be executed by the state of Texas,“In the state of Texas, our citizens have made that decision…and they don’t want you to commit those crimes against our citizens, and if you do, you will face the ultimate justice.”

After the debate, Governor Perry tweets death: “Thanks for the hand out there, oh lord.”

Death tweets back: “Any time my son.”

Less than a week later at the Tampa Tea Party debate, death whispers into Ron Paul’s ear, “we can’t help everyone, that’s the risk people take when they don’t buy healthcare…”

 

More Rick Perry’s Death and Hypocrisy.

Rick Perry’s George Bush Moment

Perry’s Death Penalty Cover-up

“The first word spoken from the moon was ‘Houston’”

Perry has taken federal disaster aid 13 times, more than any other state

Worker deaths, poor living conditions in Perry’s Texas
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/03/governor-perrys-texas-economy_n_917460.html

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Texas ties with Mississippi for the highest percentage of workers in minimum wage jobs.
http://friendsofjustice.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/rick-perrys-texas-miracle-or-not/

Uneven growth throughout the state
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/03/governor-perrys-texas-economy_n_917460.html

Peace,
Tex Shelters

A Battle Royale (with Cheese) over Food Stamps

In Current Events, Economics, Humor on September 7, 2011 at 16:17

Captain Comerica, Tex Shelters, defender of the Free Market Faith versus Libtard T.J., defender of the undeserving, Snodgrass

They meet one fateful day at the President Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley, CA.

Tex Shelters: Come to pay your respect to the greatest president ever, Mr. Snodgrass? What’s a libtard like you doing here?

T.J.: Just here studying the false prophets of the American conservative movement.

Tex Shelters: Slander is the devil’s snare, just like food stamps ensnare the American people with false hope.

T.J.: So, Tex, you’re here to visit the “Death to food stamps exhibit”?

Tex: I know you support giving money to undeserving deadbeats T.J., but food stamps make the poor dependent on the help of others. On her web blog, Texas Sparkle points out that Obama is creating a nation dependent on food stamps. How y’all reconcile that with your messiah complex you have for Obama?

T.J. Snodgrass: People are dependent on food stamps because there are no jobs. And Obama is not my messiah.

Tex: So say y’all. Don’t ya see how if there weren’t no food stamps, companies would up and create jobs? Food stamps dampen the desire for the poor to up and get those jobs. Just ask Glenn Beck. 

T.J.:  And people in the desert can stand up and their desire for water will bring it to them.

Tex: Well, what about the racial issue that you liberals make out of food stamps. People got mad at Glenn Beck for calling Obama the “food stamp president”, called Glenn racist even, but there are more whites on food stamps then blacks.

T.J.: Tex, you ignorant slut.   More white people are on food stamps because there six times more white people in the United States than African Americans. If you look at rates, which apparently you didn’t, there are a higher percentage of blacks that use food stamps than whites. About 90% of all black children use food stamps in their life time.

Tex: We can’t even afford to help white people in the United States and you want to help blacks? Oh, now you’re going to call me racist I suppose. It costs at least $2 a meal for all those lazy people getting food stamps in the United States. You don’t expect me to stop eating my white truffles to pay for someone to eat, do you? Are you asking liberals to give up their lattes so people in America can eat? You disgust me Mr. Snodgrass, hollywood elite liberal bastard!

T.J.: Well, yes, skipping a latte to feed the poor is a good start…

Tex: Did you know that food stamps cost our nation $68 billion dollars a year? We can’t afford to keep feeding people!

T.J.: We can’t afford not to feed our people. The Afghan war costs $190 million a day. That’s 5.7 billion a month. It’s $69.4 billion a year. So if we leave Afghanistan, we can pay for food stamps.

Tex: You can’t cut the Afghan war budget; it costs money to kill people.

T.J.: Okay, how about cutting other areas of the military, such as bases overseas? Let nations defend themselves. And do we really need a submarine fleet any more? New super-submarines cost some $8.3 billion dollars. Aren’t there better ways to spend that money, on food stamps for example? The Sustainable Defense Task Force, consisting of military and budget experts from both parties and independents, has shown that we could cut $1 trillion dollars from the military budget of the United States over 10 years, making that $100 billion a year. Those cuts can certainly sustain the food stamp program during these hard times.

Tex: Fine, so you hate our troops and our sailors, but Liberals like you say that food stamps create jobs. Well, then why don’t we put everyone on food stamps so everyone can have a job.

T.J.: Again, you misrepresent our position. Of course, people having jobs is the best outcome, but giving food stamps is better than other options when investing money and helping the poor. And I don’t want our citizens to needlessly be put in harms way fighting overseas.

How about accepting any of Senator Rockefeller’s suggestions to close tax loopholes and bring back the Clinton era tax rates? That, along with the end of the wars, would make the comparatively small food stamp budget a non-issue.

Tex: Raising taxes is socialist, and it would make cuts to Social Security and Medicaid less urgent. We need there to be a financial crisis and deficit so we can go after aid to the less well off and less deserving. Raising any kind of taxes would get in the way of our plan to eliminate these programs, as would helping the needy.

T.J.: Tex, as a Christian, I would think you would support helping the poor.

Tex: I am only a Christian when I want to be, and in the case food stamps, I don’t want to.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Note: “Texas Sparkle” is the real name of a conservative blogger at the Houston Chronicle.

Liberal Government Regulations are a Parasitic Ponzi Scheme

In Economics, Humor on September 2, 2011 at 21:32

Cartoon from edubass.com

Regulations are ruining the entrepreneurial spirit in America. How do I know this is true? Well, I just told you. And I am sure that the heads of the Forbes 500 would agree that if we just got rid of regulations, we would start hiring people yesterday.

Regulations get in the way of freedom. If someone wants to eat tainted meat and take poisonous medication, who is the Food and Drug Administration to say otherwise? Consumers can test their own food and drugs if they want; regulation only makes us dependent on scientists.

Regulations cut into our profit margins. After having to deal with regulations, who has the free cash to hire anyone? We can’t afford to hire anyone after paying for our megayachts, indoor shark tanks, trips overseas to our tax shelters in our private jets, the multi-million dollar bonuses we pay ourselves, lobbying expenses to avoid taxes and regulation, legal fees to defend against lawsuits, and advertising to enhance our corporate image.

The reason we have no oil in the United States is regulation. BP spent $93.4 million dollars to improve their image after the 2009 oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. Containment costs for the BP spill were estimated around $4 billion. However, they didn’t waste their money buying that $500,000 remote shut-off switch that would have contained the spill, and that’s what’s important. But the government regulatory gestapo wants all rigs to have that shut off valve, as if oil spills were a problem. Regulation is hurting our economy and our oil independence.

If we could further deregulate the media, that would help our economy and also help our democracy. In 2004, five corporations owned 90% of the media outlets in the U.S. We are substantially behind Italy where one man, President Berlusconi, controls 80% of the private media channels.

If only we could get Donald Trump that kind of media control and elect him President, we’d all be better off. As it is now, you have to deal with five different corporate executives in the United States to get blanket media coverage. That gets expensive. With the Donald in charge, it would be much easier to get our message out. Right now its torture to get favorable corporate coverage with Rachel Maddow haunting our every step and being so outrageously liberal that she makes up for the 23 hours of daily corporate news with her one hour of coverage. Thankfully, the weekend is safe from her rantings about the Koch brothers control of the Tea Party.

Contaminated water is not dangerous, regulation is. So lets stop testing water quality. Regulation of water interferes with cancer research. If the water were safe, what would oncologists study? Furthermore, regulating water quality is a bottled water trade barrier. We could greatly enhance that market if we just stop testing the water and regulating the effluence from factories, houses and municipalities. It could be a win-win situation. But the socialist U.S. government wants to control our drinking supply as a way to control the people.

Building codes are just a waste of time and money. Haiti turned out quite well without them during their 2010 earthquake.

They also didn’t need building codes in China in 2008. And just because building codes saved lives in Mexico City in 1985 doesn’t mean they are a good thing. As all good Republicans and billionaires know, profit must come first at all costs.

As I have just proven, all regulations are all bad all the time. I am sure you can add your own dangerous regulations to the list.

The upside of regulation is that it gives us an excuse for not hiring as we continue to send jobs overseas. Besides, we’re making all the money we need without dealing with pesky workers.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Tex Shelters’ Speech at the Conservative Republicans Engaged in Excessive Politics, C.R.E.E.P

In Humor on August 8, 2011 at 17:21


Tex Shelters’ Speech at the Conservative Republicans Engaged in Excessive Politics, C.R.E.E.P., meeting at Rancho Mirage in Palm Springs.

(yelling) FELLOW SELFSERVATIVES! (raising hands in what looks like a combination Nazi salute and black power fist)

(Tex waves his hands to calm down the hooting and hollering of the crowd)

Thank you, thank you! I am so glad to be here with you fellow conservatives of CREEP. President Obama couldn’t be here tonight, he’s out asking forgiveness from Wall Street for talking about raising taxes. (the crowd laughs, hoots and hollers)

Our triumph is nearly complete. We are on the doorstep of making everyone in the United States beholden to corporations, for everything. A special thanks to those that arrived here on the Greyhound bus today, you Tea Baggers. Without you hard working class racists and paranoid white folks, it would be a lot harder to take your Social Security and Medicaid money to reinvest in jobs, (pause) overseas. (A scattering of laugh among the well healed)

And to the folks that arrived in Jets, now that we have extended your tax cuts for years to come, I am sure you met no turbulence. (chuckles)

So we have extended the tax cuts and are now chipping away at the last defense against complete fascist rule! (Yeah!) But there is more work to do.

We must continue to go after a woman’s right to choose and force women to be baby incubators for future soldiers and slave labor.

We must also continue to take voting rights away from college students, the poor and others living on the margin. Without the vote in the wrong hands, we won’t have to rig the voting machines and scare voters away from the polls or use other means of persuasion.

We must rid our nation of the minimum wage. It’s too much to pay, and it’s not the starvation wage we had hoped for.

We must privatize the police to ensure they spend even more of their time protecting and servicing us, the top 1%, not you Greyhound bus riders…(pause) who of course can continue to defend yourselves with the guns we protect from liberal regulation. It’s a slippery slope from keeping automatic weapons away from serial killer rapists and taking away guns from everyone.

The military, keep it up. The earnings from military contracts couldn’t be better. And now, our media has convinced the joint chiefs that Libya is a threat (laughter). (raising a glass) Onward to Iran!

And to the media, you are doing one hell of a job focusing on the elections almost two years in advance, talking about Casey Anthony and the Norway “crazy” killer, Anders Breivik, and talking about the debt ceiling instead of discussing unemployment and the jobs crisis. Way to go! (Tex salutes).

I would also like to put a special thinks out to the Koch Brothers and their (finger to lips, in a whisper), shhhhhhh, Americans for Prosperity  for funding the Tea Party and writing so many damn good talking points for the media and Michelle Bachmann. Way to go on the “job creators” (thumbs up) line about the wealthy who avoid creating jobs and the idea that “Social Security is insolvent”. We’re selling shit, and public is buying.

(Looking at the camera) And special thanks to the American public. As the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6-8,  “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.”

(Raising hands) God Bless America.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Every Day, I’m More Gay

In Current Events, Humor on July 25, 2011 at 18:11

Ever since Ellen Degeneres got married in 2008, I have felt the gayness creep up on me. If teachers can promote sexuality in the class room, imagine what a hot gyrating Ellen Degeneres can do to our innocent young girls and promote gay, man on man, sex.

No matter how matter times I read the passage from Leviticus 20:13, “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads”,  I feel more and more gay with every passing day. I, of course, blame liberals.

Like the destruction of a horcrux, each gay marriage makes me weaker. And it’s gotten worse with the marriages in New York pushing me to the edge.

I try to think of my role models in the heterosexual community, Ronald Reagan (twice married), Newt Gingrich (thrice married), and Mark Foley, a good family man who was entrapped into sending sexual emails to male interns for ten years, but has of course repented to god and thus is my hero. And let’s not forget the writer of Cat Scratch Fever  and arch-conservative, Ted Nugent. “He has had two wives and has eight children, including three out of wedlock in two liaisons almost 30 years apart.” If Ted Nugent can’t keep me straight, no one can.

But nothing has worked. I realized that the “gay life style” that I am supposed to be afraid of has been creeping up on me my whole life. One of the first albums I bought as a child was by Elton John. Imagine my surprise when just a couple of years ago I learned that he had married, a man! But that must be his former wife’s fault, right ladies?   If you can’t keep your man straight, you are not running a true Christian household.

Then I learned from rapper Ja Rule that MTV promotes homosexuality. I watched that station way back when it exclusively played music videos. My crush on early VJ Julie Brown must have been my attempt to cover as straight. I see it all now; love of music is gay.

Then another shocking revelation came my way when I learned that Freddy Mercury was a gay man the whole time I was listening to his music and watching his videos, on MTV! Imagine a band named “Queen” having homosexual members in it. Who would have known?

The latest signs I’m turning gay are frightening. One horrific sign is that I watched the Tony Awards, and I enjoyed it! Yes, I know Broadway is not just for gays any more, but it’s the gayt way drug to homosexuality. And I didn’t vomit at the sight of Neil Patrick Harris as all straight men should.

If that doesn’t prove I’m coming under the influence of gays and becoming more tolerant, I don’t know what does. But there’s hope for all of us who might become gay despite what a passage in a book of fiction written over two-thousand years ago and re-written multiple times to suit the political ambitions of the rich and powerful says is damnation.

First, we have the Bachman family to save us. If all is lost, I can go to Marcus Bachman, the husband of Michelle Bachman, for help. He has written about the homosexual agenda, to entertain us into being gay, and councils Christians on being straight. l He knows how harmful being gay can be for people like him who hate themselves. He knows that if you are going to fight being gay, you must learn to scorn homosexuality irrationally.

If it gets bad, I can move to Colorado Springs and join excommunicated Ted Haggard in his new church. Sure, he was kicked out of his ministry after he solicited sex from a male prostitute, but he has repented. I need the kind of role model that can break their own tenets, sin, and still come out smelling like less than shit. I am sure Haggard will help me so I don’t stray too far.

Thank god that there are plenty of people that ignore psychiatric and medical findings and think that homosexuality is an illness. Thus, there are plenty of places I can go to “remove the inclination for same sex attraction for LGBT people through talking.”

There are also many Catholic, Christian and other orthodox churches from Jewish to Islamic that condemn homosexuality, so I can always go to one of these if I feel gay and need to be put in my place. Better yet, I could move to Saudi Arabia where I could be arrested for showing signs of gayness. Now that’s a deterrent.

With role models, social deterrents, and god’s help, I might pull through and remain as people say god intended, despite the cuteness of Neil Patrick Harris.

Good link that debunks reparative therapy and warns us of the dangers:
http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/therapy-reparative.html

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Tex Shelters takes his Republican Entrance Exam to Run for President

In Election Politics, Humor on June 15, 2011 at 04:12

Christian Gunn conducted the interview for Koch Industries.

Republican examiner, Christian Gunn (CG): What are the top issues in the world today?

Tex Shelters (Tex): Taxes, Terrorism (including terrorist unions), Immigration, and Taxes.

CG: What is scarier, a woman being raped, or taxes?

Tex: Taxes.

CG: Correct. Are you in massive denial?

Tex: More than any other candidate since Ronald Reagan.

CG: Name the last nine Presidents.

Tex: Barack Obama. And let me add that he’s what’s wrong with our nation and economy.

CG: Correct. Do you solemnly swear to fabricate facts?

Tex: All information will be vetted by Fox News and the Koch Brothers.

CG: Correct. What would you do to improve the economy?

Tex: Barack Obama has created the largest deficit of any nation ever in the history of the world and not created jobs.

CG: Correct. Name a Supreme Court decision you disagree with?

Tex: (Silence)

CG: Correct. Name a hero of yours and why.

Tex: Thomas Jefferson is my hero because he wrote the Declaration of Independence to warn the British not to take away our guns,  and he loves the Bible so much that he cut it into pieces and created his own version of it to better understand it.

CG: What do you think about cap and trade?

Tex: I don’t own and caps, so I don’t have any to trade.

CG: How do you feel about global warming?

Tex: I am all for it. This planet is too cold as it is.

CG: What would you do to improve our nation’s schools?

Tex: Get rid of the teachers. They’re what’s wrong with our schools.

CG: How would you improve our nations health?

Tex: Get rid of Obamacare.

CG: Correct. Now I will show you a few inkblots for your interpretation.

Number one:

Tex: Gay sex

CG: Very good Mr. Callahan, now number 2:


Tex: Gay marriage and sex

CG: Excellent. Now number 3:

Tex: Gay sex abortion.

CG: Good. Here’s another one:

Tex: Liberal socialist abortion

CG: Excellent once again. One more Mr. Shelters.

Tex: The anti-Christ, no Barack Obama.

CG: Well done Mr. Shelters. I have one last question for you, and I think I know the answer. Are you taking this exam to run for president or to get more attention for your businesses, books, and speaking tour?

Inkblots from http://blog.nermo.com/

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Stop the Socialist FEMA Takeover of the Midwest

In Current Events, Humor on May 25, 2011 at 20:27

News Item:

Tornado kills at least 89, leaves ‘total devastation’ in Missouri town

In Joplin, Mo., damage is widespread. Severe weather hits other parts of the Midwest, including Minneapolis, where one person is killed.

A man carries a young boy who was rescued after being trapped in his home (Mike Gullett, Associated Press) http://articles.latimes.com/2011/may/23/nation/la-na-tornadoes-20110523

Over one hundred people have died in a rash of tornadoes that have ravaged the Midwest, and Obama wants to use this tragedy to promote his socialist agenda. The President wants to use his nanny state powers to swoop in and help people of Missouri and the region. This is the kind of socialism that the state’s legislature has recently rejected,

4 Missouri Senators reject further prostitution by the Federal government.

Last week we had four State Senators stand up to the political machine, the federal government and the Democratic Governor in our state, filibustering a bill giving Missouri stimulus funds the government doesn’t have that would have extended unemployment benefits from 79 weeks (a YEAR AND A HALF) up to 99 weeks. (5 weeks short of TWO YEARS). The media in our state has portrayed this move as cruelty to the unemployed. Unfortunately they are not reporting the whole story.” (link)

Yes, the state legislature refuses aid for the unemployed caught under the dual tornado of joblessness and state cuts, and they should stick to their guns, and pull them out of their holsters, to refuse socialist FEMA funds to help those affected by the recent tornadoes.

Obama is using this tragedy to start his FEMA military camps http://www.freedomfiles.org/war/fema.htm in the heartland,

“FEMA was never before a militant organization but, was created and then used to address helping people in times of disasters.  No more.  From Obama’s own mouth, it will now be used to fight some strange and dark Obama war.  And why were FEMA camps across the country recently refurbished and military Ads placed for people to guard whomever is going to be placed in them?  Again, Obama is at war against whom?”
https://socialismisnottheanswer.wordpress.com/tag/fema/

To see more on “FEMA camps” go here: http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=7763

The current role of the Republican Party is to decry government projects, all government (especially federal) institutions, and all spending by the government that is targeted toward average people other than local police and national military efforts. Their efforts target unemployment insuranceattack the Department of Education, target family planning and health care for women and all people, and recently have gone after Medicaid.

Will they stick to their ideology and refuse socialist FEMA funding? Or, will they realize that the government sometimes does some things well, and even if not perfect, we all need help that is beyond our means at times.

Here’s to hoping that Missouri Republicans refuse FEMA relief aid in a continuing show of disdain for the public good. After all, they have promise to refuse “as many federal funds as they can.” (link) That will show the socialist Democratic Governor Jay Nixon who’s in charge.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

Gaddafi is a Free Mason, Obama is Irish, and Progressives want Peace and Jobs for Everyone

In Current Events, Election Politics, Humor on May 23, 2011 at 20:42

We all see things through our own lens of perception, and current events are tinted not only by those that present the news, but those that perceive the news. So without further ado, I present current events in the mind’s eye of Republicans (R), Progressives (P) and conspiracy theorists (CT). Note: I am a progressive that agrees more with the conspiracy theorists on issues than I agree with Republicans. And I am a conspiracy theorist skeptic.

Issue: Obama’s recent trip to Ireland

Reaction

R: Obama is really not a U.S. citizen, he’s an Irish National, and this trip proves it. Also, Obama’s great, great, great grandfather was a member of the IRA and Obama is promising more funds for the terrorist group because Obama, if not Muslim, is a Catholic terrorist.

P: If I was the President and could use my ancestors to visit the Irish countryside, I would too.

CT: His great, great, great grandfather was a member of the powerful Irish Illuminati Mason member of the Bilderberg group and Obama got elected President through the command of his dead ancestor’s dying decree.

Issue: Oil Prices are going up!

Reaction

R: Why isn’t Obama doing anything about oil prices?

P: Oil prices are rising because of increased demand and the wars in the Middle East have reduced the world’s supply of oil.

CI: The Bilderberg Group controls oil prices. They are raising the prices to control third world nations and keep them down.

Issue: A recent drop in gas prices (as of 5/8/11). 

Reaction

R: It is the Bush energy policy of offshore drilling and deregulation that has brought a drop in oil prices.

P:  People are consuming less oil, so the price has momentarily dropped.

CI: The Bilderberg Group controls oil prices. They are keeping prices down to protect their industries’ profits.

Issue: Death of Osama Bin Laden

R: Thank God George Bush started that war in Afghanistan; otherwise, we would have never killed Bin Laden.

P: Can we leave Afghanistan now?

CT: The Illuminati put him in his position of power, and they took him out. Beside, he died earlier and the NWO thought that this was the best time to bring out his showcase death.

Issue: Unemployment

R: We must cut government spending and government jobs to increase employment.

P: More jobs programs and infrastructure development funded by military cuts, the end to the two costly wars and a tax rate that makes wealthy individuals and corporations pay their share is the best way to address unemployment.

CI: The NWO runs the banks and they like it when people are unemployed. “They (the NWO, Illuminati, Rothschilds, Masons) now want to change strategy and create a mainstream “lower class” which will include most people; a preparation for the upcoming One World Government where the average citizen may be allowed to have a job, but is no more than a “lower class slave” with low pay… until it all levels out and becomes the cornerstone of the future Global Socialist State.” (link)

While I generally agree that the elite want to control employment and keep down the masses, they lose me when they say, “As a matter of fact, the Illuminati created Sweden as an experiment in mind control, together with Canada, which is Sweden’s sister country in this project.” (ibid) Furthermore, the many NWO conspiracy groups are very anti-socialist, but they speak of employment as Marx might have.

Issue: Global Warming

R: Burn baby, burn. 

P: It may be too late, but it is our duty to try to reduce our impact on the planet.

CT: Some in the NWO group say that global warming theory is being used as birth control against the planet’s people. Some say it is a psyop used to brainwash us. Some say global warming theory is being used to enslave us.

I think global warming is a theory being used to track, trace and expose all conspiracy theorists through their writings on global warming and visits to chat groups that discuss global warming.

Issue: The Bombing of Libya

R: Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Liby…what? That was Obama ordering the bombing of Libya? Then I am against it!

P: Bombing isn’t the answer and won’t end the conflict.

CT: Gaddafi is a Free Mason and that is why he hasn’t been killed yet.

So whether you blame Obama or the NWO for our problems, I invite you to support progressive, humanist solutions.

End the wars now!
http://unitedforpeace.org/
Veterans agree:
http://www.veteransforpeace.org/
Barbara Lee agrees:
http://www.theroot.com/views/rep-barbara-lee-end-war-now
The Nation agrees:
http://www.thenation.com/blog/158024/time-end-war-afghanistan

Peace,
Tex Shelters