Captain Comerica, Tex Shelters, defender of the Free Market Faith versus Libtard T.J., defender of the undeserving, Snodgrass
They meet one fateful day at the President Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley, CA.
Tex Shelters: Come to pay your respect to the greatest president ever, Mr. Snodgrass? What’s a libtard like you doing here?
T.J.: Just here studying the false prophets of the American conservative movement.
Tex Shelters: Slander is the devil’s snare, just like food stamps ensnare the American people with false hope.
T.J.: So, Tex, you’re here to visit the “Death to food stamps exhibit”?
Tex: I know you support giving money to undeserving deadbeats T.J., but food stamps make the poor dependent on the help of others. On her web blog, Texas Sparkle points out that Obama is creating a nation dependent on food stamps. How y’all reconcile that with your messiah complex you have for Obama?
T.J. Snodgrass: People are dependent on food stamps because there are no jobs. And Obama is not my messiah.
Tex: So say y’all. Don’t ya see how if there weren’t no food stamps, companies would up and create jobs? Food stamps dampen the desire for the poor to up and get those jobs. Just ask Glenn Beck.
T.J.: And people in the desert can stand up and their desire for water will bring it to them.
Tex: Well, what about the racial issue that you liberals make out of food stamps. People got mad at Glenn Beck for calling Obama the “food stamp president”, called Glenn racist even, but there are more whites on food stamps then blacks.
T.J.: Tex, you ignorant slut. More white people are on food stamps because there six times more white people in the United States than African Americans. If you look at rates, which apparently you didn’t, there are a higher percentage of blacks that use food stamps than whites. About 90% of all black children use food stamps in their life time.
Tex: We can’t even afford to help white people in the United States and you want to help blacks? Oh, now you’re going to call me racist I suppose. It costs at least $2 a meal for all those lazy people getting food stamps in the United States. You don’t expect me to stop eating my white truffles to pay for someone to eat, do you? Are you asking liberals to give up their lattes so people in America can eat? You disgust me Mr. Snodgrass, hollywood elite liberal bastard!
T.J.: Well, yes, skipping a latte to feed the poor is a good start…
Tex: Did you know that food stamps cost our nation $68 billion dollars a year? We can’t afford to keep feeding people!
T.J.: We can’t afford not to feed our people. The Afghan war costs $190 million a day. That’s 5.7 billion a month. It’s $69.4 billion a year. So if we leave Afghanistan, we can pay for food stamps.
Tex: You can’t cut the Afghan war budget; it costs money to kill people.
T.J.: Okay, how about cutting other areas of the military, such as bases overseas? Let nations defend themselves. And do we really need a submarine fleet any more? New super-submarines cost some $8.3 billion dollars. Aren’t there better ways to spend that money, on food stamps for example? The Sustainable Defense Task Force, consisting of military and budget experts from both parties and independents, has shown that we could cut $1 trillion dollars from the military budget of the United States over 10 years, making that $100 billion a year. Those cuts can certainly sustain the food stamp program during these hard times.
Tex: Fine, so you hate our troops and our sailors, but Liberals like you say that food stamps create jobs. Well, then why don’t we put everyone on food stamps so everyone can have a job.
T.J.: Again, you misrepresent our position. Of course, people having jobs is the best outcome, but giving food stamps is better than other options when investing money and helping the poor. And I don’t want our citizens to needlessly be put in harms way fighting overseas.
How about accepting any of Senator Rockefeller’s suggestions to close tax loopholes and bring back the Clinton era tax rates? That, along with the end of the wars, would make the comparatively small food stamp budget a non-issue.
Tex: Raising taxes is socialist, and it would make cuts to Social Security and Medicaid less urgent. We need there to be a financial crisis and deficit so we can go after aid to the less well off and less deserving. Raising any kind of taxes would get in the way of our plan to eliminate these programs, as would helping the needy.
T.J.: Tex, as a Christian, I would think you would support helping the poor.
Tex: I am only a Christian when I want to be, and in the case food stamps, I don’t want to.
Note: “Texas Sparkle” is the real name of a conservative blogger at the Houston Chronicle.