texshelters

Thank You for Supporting Billionaires More than Ever in 2016

In Uncategorized on June 8, 2016 at 23:16

 

trump-hillary-billTo America:

America, you are the greatest! I am writing today to thank the people of California, New Jersey and states all over the union for the recent historic vote. Never before has plutocracy been so secure in the nation than today. Thanks to all the voters, members of the establishment DNC and RNC, registrars of voters who kept pesky independents from voting and people running polling places all over this nation who kept the rabble from accessing ballots. And a shout to the reporters in our corporate media for reporting only the important facts that we allowed you to report.

Not since the days before citizens voted directly for Senators has there been such a guarantee of corporate largess coming our way. Back in the halcyon days of pure laissez faire economics, the government stayed out of our way when we merged into massive monopolies and trusts. Today, the government assists us in our endeavor to make profit; the government even pays us to stay in business in a way JP Morgan and Vanderbilt never dreamt of.

We currently receive some $93 billion dollars in corporate welfare a year. Then there are the government contracts making us billions more. And we are shielded from taxes in a way that was inconceivable before the 1970s.

There is a tax chart that the government publishes, and Americans are convinced that the rate in the book is what we pay. Isn’t that cute? And yes, our lackeys say, “We have the highest corporate taxes in the world!” And gratefully, people believe it. Our spokesmen hide our effective tax rates. After tax loopholes, write offs and other tax incentives, many of us pay zero or near zero in corporate taxes.

Tex Shelters, Industries LLC (TSI) paid $100 in taxes in 2015. We could have paid zero, but we wanted to be fair. It didn’t hurt that we declared losses in our fracking investments and offshore oil platforms to offset the hundreds of millions we made in prison contracts in California alone. And the government letting me overcharge them to use my fiber optic cables in Texas was real nice as was their paying us $43 dollars a day for military rations that cost us $5 to produce. Thank you, President Obama and Congress!

But today is not a day to gloat; it’s a day to celebrate. Gone is the specter of democracy from our nation, especially lukewarm, scary, forbidden social democracy. No, dear friends, we won’t have to cut our bottom line or CEO salaries or tighten our belts. Leave budget cuts to the poor people who have little to lose. We have too much to lose to lose it. Billionaires are too big to fail.

As for this victory, I have paid myself a $37 million dollar fiscal year-end bonus. I only had to lay off 433 people in the U.S. to earn it and help buy the election. Now it’s a win-win, Trump-Clinton race. We are sitting in tall cotton, that’s for darn sure.

The hard work of getting my bonus was not buying the candidates, but it was getting the Indonesian factory owners to give TSI timely delivery on our patented “Corkscrew Ammunition” for 9 mm, 45 and 22 caliber with the new 50 cal, to be released for Christmas. These bullets don’t explode on contact or “rip.” Nope. The corkscrew rounds hit a perpetrator and “corkscrews” around, tearing up a perpetrators insides, whether he be a home invader or a Muslim born in the wrong country.

So, thanks to all the people who have protected the strength and wealth of billionaires in this nation. Long live the plutocracy. And for all you in Congress, the DNC and others that helped with this election: we have six to seven figure jobs ready and waiting for you in our corporate offices.

Yours,
Tex Shelters
CEO of Billionaires of America, 501(c)

To Be a Good Old Jew, You Must Vote for Sanders

In Uncategorized on February 9, 2016 at 21:16

Rabbi Rabinowitz of Kfar Bar’am synagogue in New Amsterdam has come out in support of fellow Jew, Bernie Sanders:

Us Jews have to stick together. We have to work together to help our community and defend against attacks perpetrated on us. So, I support Bernie Sanders, a good Jewish Boy. Not only would it be a mitzvah to support him, but you’d have to be a real putz to be a Jew and not support Bernie. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7UkGyT5FIA 

Abel Feigenbaum of the National Jewish Museum in New Jersey, also talks about the importance of helping out fellow Jews:

You can’t just be Jewish one day, and then when you enter the voting booth, not be Jewish. The duty of the Jew doesn’t stop at the front door of the synagogue. And part of that duty is to vote for Jews when they are running for office. Bernie will always be there for the Jews, and it is our duty to be there for him. To do otherwise would be extremely Fercockt. 

Smithers Jones of The National Society of Septuagenarians has also come out for Sanders, and he makes it clear that,

Anybody over 65 that votes for Clinton should GET OFF MY LAWN! Old folks should stick with old folks and not whippersnappers like Clinton who has no idea what it’s like to get old. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNF0y1hhjzY

He also claims that Clinton has bias against older folks, “When Clinton said, ‘I’ll be the youngest woman president in the history of the United States”, it was a clear attack on older Americans like Senator Sanders.

Why Clinton hates older Jews, is beyond me. It is clear that septuagenarians and Jews should support Sanders because they are septuagenarians and Jews. That’s reason enough.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

 

Gun Fetishists, Do the Right Thing

In Uncategorized on December 6, 2015 at 17:20

In the South Park episode, “Cash for Gold”, elderly people are ripped off by informercials selling them cheap jewelry they don’t need. The elderly get so angry that by the end of the show they are calling up the thieving infomercial host and telling him, on the air, “Why don’t you just kill yourself.” That’s the level of anger the U.S. citizenry now has for gun fetishists who kill others because they have hurt feelings or can’t get their way. I speak for many angry Americans when I say to the deranged gun fetishists who are planning to kill others in a mass spree-shooting: “Go kill yourselves.”

Yes. I said, “Go kill yourselves.” Do this nation a favor and die. If you are too fucked up to seek help, think killing others is the answer, and have plans to do so, just kill yourself. Now. Don’t think about it. Die at your own hand.

Whether you are gun-nut angry because of your religion, your anti-choice ideology, the loss of a job, bullying in school, post traumatic stress, or a lost relationship, seek help. There is no reason to murder others. Whatever your excuse is, if you plan to murder innocents, do us a favor and swallow your gun.

Most gun owners and people without guns want to stop senseless gun violence. Won’t you kill yourself for them. No, don’t stop to kill your family, your wife or kids, parents or classmates first. Do it NOW! Most of us don’t want you in this nation if all you have is murder in your heart and revenge in you hands. Take your gun, stick it in your mouth, and pull the trigger. And before doing it, dig a pit and lie in it when you shoot off your face. That will save people the trouble of having to dig you a grave.

I know this sounds harsh, but if spree killers would just kill themselves, about 350 lives would have been spared from mass killings this year alone. Since 1982, there have been over 3600 deaths due to mass shootings, shootings of more than 4 people. Those lives would have been spared if spree shooters would just turn that gun on themselves and do the right thing.

Besides lives being lost, there are billions of dollars to be saved if gun fetishists would use a bullet to prevent these spree shootings. That includes hospital costs, time lost at work and other productive activities, emergency response and other costs. Certainly, the cost hasn’t been desegregated to show what it costs for spree shootings alone, but if all gun violence in recent years has cost us $229 billion dollars, and spree shootings are about 1% of all gun deaths, then we can extrapolate that spree shootings cost $2.29 billion dollars in the U.S.   I would estimate that would be higher for spree shootings because of high cost for all the first responders involved in such mass shootings. So, for gun fetishists with the intent to kill, shooting themselves is fiscally responsible. Even responsible, more conservative gun owners can get behind that.

The time for discussing the issue of gun safety is over. Guns don’t kill people, assholes WITH guns kill people. What we need gun maniacs to do is kill themselves as soon as they can. Since many of them enjoy open carry laws for guns, the opportunity is there. And they should NOT take anyone with them or shoot themselves while driving and potential hurt others. Just Do It! Swoosh!

I have written several articles about gun safety and why we don’t need automatic weapons and why we need background checks and regulations and they haven’t done a thing. What we need is a national call for all gun fetishists who take pleasure in killing people to shoot their tiny little brains out of their heads. Now.

I have debunked every illogical excuse gun fetishists use to block sensible gun regulation again and again, and that does not move anyone. Moreover, Congress won’t do anything, for they are being paid by the gun lobbies to remain silent as people get killed by gun violence at an ever increasing rate.

When the government fails to act, do it yourself. I want gun nuts to take that self hatred they have for humanity and focus it on the real problem. In the words of Johnny Rotten, “The problem is YOU! Now what you gonna do?”  Turn that hatred inward, that’s it, do it, pull the trigger, kill yourself.

Let me thank you beforehand for your heroic work in killing a public threat.

You might be a gun fetishists if you:

1. Buy more guns and bullets every time you see Obama on television.

2. You think you need an AK-47 to hunt muskrat.

3. You have more empathy for the spree shooters than the victims of a shooting.

4. You think Obama, while waving a UN flag, will take away your  guns.

5. You think the 2nd Amendment is part of the Bible.

6. You think gun regulations are how the Nazis were able to kill so many Jews.

7. You think that if you had enough guns, you could fight off the U.S. military.

8. If you horde guns and ammunition way beyond your means.

The accomplices of the gun fetishists, heads of the NRA, gun manufacturers, gun lobbyists, gun fetishist Senators and Congressman (you know who you are), need to lead by example and shoot themselves too. Do it for the children, for the people, for apple pie, the flag, and liberty. Shoot yourselves for God and country! I pray that you do the right thing in our time of need.

Peace,
Tex Shelters