“Everybody Knows”, and some of us aren’t happy about it: a film review

To the Tune of Everybody Knows by Leonard Cohen:

Everybody knows, the film is too long.
Everybody knows, what would happen next
Everybody knows that Spain is lovely,
and Everybody Knows the plot is dreck
Everybody knows about over acting, Penelope Cruz she does it best
as bad films go, Everybody Knows

From https://www.slashfilm.com

Okay, that’s tired, but I made my point. ‘Everybody Knows’ is too long, and even the surprises are predictable. It’s a stylish mess. 

The big scene in the opening of the film is a wedding with guests arriving as a way of introducing us to the main characters. But unlike the wedding scene in the Godfather, it’s tedious and way too long. I never thought I would say this, but some Spaniards are boring. 

There is no foreshadowing in the film, no interesting characters, nothing ominous about it. It’s the most boring kidnapping film I have ever seen, and I hate kidnapping films. Okay, there are exceptions, like ‘The Crying Game.’ But in that film, the stakes were high and while you understood the IRA position and reason for the kidnapping, you empathized the kidnapped limey bastard soldier’s plight. And in ‘The Crying Game’, the acting is superb. 

Yes, the kidnapping in ‘Everybody Knows’ is supposed to be tragic and dramatic, but with the dialogue, plot elements, predictability, and Cruz’s overacting, the only tragedy is how poorly it plays. Yes, the kidnapped teenager is cute, likes to dance, and gets into trouble. How is that unlike lots of teenagers? A big problem is she didn’t get enough air time to care about her. And I didn’t.

You can read other critics who will say this film is full of tension. My need to urinate brought the most tension during the film. Actually, I would have enjoyed the reprieve of going to the bathroom. Alas, no urge to pee and no urge sit through this film came upon me. 

Did I say it was predictable? All the actors darken this film. I blame the writing and directing. It is a jumble of few ideas that don’t come to anything.

Rating: I want my money back.
I was about to leave The Loft, but I wanted to see how terrible the ending would be and give my review credibility. That’s 0 for Bardem’s last 2. Get with it and play another killer like in ‘Sky Fall’ and ‘No Country for Old Men.’ On bright spot: ‘Everybody Knows’ wasn’t sexist like ‘Mother’ or nearly as terrible. 

Peace,
Tex Shelters